I have been thinking abt the little rascal every now and then.
I cried at work while showering.
I miss him.
I can still recall clearly how he followed me to the toilet at pauline's place, how he looked at me as he sat on my lap on the way home, how my mum called out to him when he comes home after 5 days at pauline's place.
I don't usually regret the decisions I made but I am not sure if this will be one that I will take a long time to get over.
I wish things could have turn out differently and kept him by my side.
But i guess he went to a gd family who can provide him with a better life than me.
The only consolation for me is probably the owner is kind enough to add me on facebook.
At least I can still see pictures of him as he grows.
Maybe I might be able to request to see him.

I miss you, Nichi.

an hour and a half to go before knock off....
secretly logging in to blog since its been ages since i've done so...
can't really remember what i have been up to...
health hasn't been good this year... keep having fever, flu and what not...
and right now... i'm having blocked nose.. been fighting it for the past 5 days.. hope it doesn't get worse...
financial wise is bad too... especially for this month.. really counting very carefully every single penny i have so that i can last till my pay day... sigh... can't believe how pathetic this is...
went to geylang serai for the 1st time in my life on eve of hari raya... the atmosphere is just like chinatown during new year! had fun walking, squeezing and sweating with her! lol..
oh ya.. went kite flying for the 1st time too at sentosa 2 weeks back?? it's kinda enjoyable.. hopefully tmr will have the chance to fly a kite again before heading to watch soccer... *prays for gd weather*
oh well... puppy is 2 months 2 weeks old now... he will go to my aunt's farm later and hopefully find a gd owner... he's damn adorable now.. can't bear to let him go... but i guess i dun have a choice... right.. i shall sign off before my tear drops...

Last day of work before heading to KL tmr.
My thighs are aching.. I walk like an old lady.. wonder how am i gonna shop in KL.
At least i'm glad that the fever trying to break out last night was gone.

Seems like its gonna be a fun and busy month..
KL and then Marriott stay..
Dragonboat and probably paintball too..

Puppy is growing up well and fast.
super naughty too... bark when he's disturbed in his sleep, climb over low ledges, climb and hide in dark corners..
he's damn cute and i dunno if i should keep him anot.. 1 more month before i decide i guess.

gonna get ready for work..

Happy 1 month old in advance, puppy!
Happy 2 years old in advance, Ter Tor!
since I wun be around..


I Hate it When You're Gone - AJ Mclean

I hate it when I come home
and you're already asleep
I hate it when you throw things out
without talking to me
I hate how you've come to expect
I'll let you down

I hate the way you seem to always make us late
You pick a fight, and I'll take the blame
I hate the way you keep it so cold in this room

I hate how you steal the covers
I hate how you fight with your mother
and more than you're favorite song,
I hate it when you're gone.
Yeah, I hate it when you're gone

I hate it when I ask If I'm the best that you've had
You answer to slow, and then you turn your back
I hate it when you compare me to others that came before

I hate the way you whisper to your friends on the phone
The way you can make me feel so alone
I hate it when I feel like I'm trying to hard

I hate when you're lost in the T.V
I need you where you barely see me
and more than admitting I'm wrong
I hate it when you're gone
Said, I hate it when you're gone

It's always, it's never
You roll your eyes and say whatever
I just go along, I just along..

I hate just how much I adore you
And I hate that I can't be there for you
And more than admitting I'm wrong
I hate it when I see you crying
You say you're okay but you're lying
And more than the dark hates the dawn
I hate it when you're gone
Yeah I hate it when you're gone..

we sure are cute for two ugly people

remember the slaps you received.
remember them hard.
when you are gonna forget abt it, slap urself to remind urself.
never forget. never. this will be the last piece of memory left in you when you die.
right in public.
the start of physical abuse.
remember.

为何我祝你幸福时，我的心好痛.

最近-李圣杰

你最近不说话
怎麽了为什麽
是不是有什麽事让你不快乐
听说你最近很孤单
有点乱有点慌
可是我却不能够在你的身旁
你想要的
我却不能够给你我全部
我能给的
却又不是你想要拥有的
我们不适合也不想认输
好几次我们抱着彼此都是想要哭
你常解释这样的一切都只是开始
我觉得是所有的一切早就已结束
不想再约束
不要再痛苦
下一次会有更好的情路
爱我却不能给你我全部
我能给的
却又不是你想要拥有的
我们不适合也不想认输好
几次我们抱着彼此都是想要哭
你常解释这样的一切都只是开始
我觉得是所有的一切早就已结束
不想再约束
不要再痛苦
下一次会有更好的情路
这一次我们都能很幸福

y are my tears dropping again as I drive?
I dun wan this feeling to come back!
Fuck off!

Whats happening to us?
Where has the trust gone to?
Everything said, every single action, doubt creeps in..
This is killing me.. pushing me away..
I hate this feeling..
I hate everything that is happening..

Is this really the end?
I don't want to know the answer..
I rather continue lieing to myself till the day I finally wake up from my slumber..

I shall get away.
Alone.
Somewhere where no one knows me.
Probably this coming off day.

how does happy feels like?
i think i no longer know that feeling..
feelings that i am familiar with are: sad, miserable, lost.

the suffocating feeling came back today suddenly when i'm at work..
and i'm still feeling it now...
i dunno y...

all i wanted was just a simple conversation and yet it can turn out into an arguement.
maybe i'm the one who's fucked up.

is there a way to induce memory loss??
be it good or bad... i want everything out.
bad memories make me hate myself for creating them.
gd memories are just painful history.

or maybe being a mute is not a bad solution as well..

i hate my life. hate myself.
from young till now.. i'm nothing but trouble.
a life is lost cos i'm too hard to handle when i'm a baby.
my family is screwed up..maybe i'm a jinx.
my fren got into detention alone cos i'm too coward to owe up.
i fool around with ppl's feelings. i ran away when they started liking me.

what's the meaning of happy?

郭美美-二人同行

用期待加上宽容
在加无止境乐观和等候
以为这些付出等于美好结果
你却说凭什么

我相信你爱护我
只是爱没有想像中的多
对天空的辽阔来说云算什么
你不会懂我渺小得多宽容

爱你不重我要自己不要放开手
不痛不痛心却独自跳的好寂寞
幸福那一个美梦是二人同行才有
你渐渐缺席让我被挡在未来的入口
爱你不重尽管我无力再向前走
不痛不痛就算辛苦的震耳欲聋
爱你我爱到最后剩回忆这个朋友
爱情从二人同行变成我一个默默后承受

我想过很多以后
幻想过快乐也愉悦心痛
爱就像是偏执的风带我升空
只问前进忘了要怎么降落

爱你不重我要自己不要放开手
不痛不痛心却独自跳的好寂寞
幸福那一个美梦是二人同行才有
你渐渐缺席让我被挡在未来的入口
爱你不重尽管我无力再向前走
不痛不痛就算辛苦的震耳欲聋
爱你我爱到最后剩回忆这个朋友
爱情从二人同行变成我一个默默后承受

爱你不重我要自己不要放开手
不痛不痛心却独自跳的好寂寞
幸福那一个美梦是二人同行才有
你渐渐缺席让我被挡在未来的入口

爱你不重

不痛不痛就算辛苦得震耳欲聋
爱你我爱到最后剩回忆这个朋友
爱情从二人同行变成我一个默默后承受

when you text me on msn, i couldn't describe the joy i felt.
for the first time over the past few days, i do not feel suffocated.

when i ask to meet u today.. i wasn't the least bit confident you would agree.
but i'm glad u did.
when i saw u, i felt happy and sad at the same time.
i hope u think through the talk we had. i'm saying those from the bottom of my heart.
not because i'm hoping we will get back together.

old memories came flooding back and i wish the night would never end.
it felt like the first time we met.
it felt like the past few days were like a nightmare.
i wan my dream back - the dream that i have been living for the past 3 years.


蔡健雅-当你离开的时候

我只能低着头发呆
让回忆渗透脑袋渐渐变空白

我把它当做个意外
但内心还想不开
因为我明白其实你都还在
我想起了你给我的感动
想起我们之间的温柔
我想起了我们第一次牵手
我闭上眼想起当时你许下的承诺
把你整个心都叫给我
然而到后来我什么都没有
当你离开的时候

我可以当作已释怀
他对我也算关怀他看不出来

我知道这样不应该
在他身上找依赖
算不算是种出卖因为你一直在
我想起了你给我的感动
想起我们之间的温柔
我想起了我们第一次牵手
我闭上眼想起当时你许下的承诺
把你整个心都叫给我
然而到后来我什么都没有
当你离开的时候

我想起了你给我的感动
想起我们之间的温柔
我想起了我们第一次牵手
我闭上眼想起当时你许下的承诺
把你整个心都叫给我
然而到后来我什么都没有

越是没用力越是心痛
我想起了你给我的感动
想起我们之间的温柔
我想起了我们第一次牵手
我闭上眼想起当时你许下的承诺
把你整个心都叫给我
然而到后来我什么都没有
当你离开的时候

67 hours - 4 hrs of sleep, a can of green tea, 2 cups of milo, a chawamushi and half a plate of edamami, liquor, 2 packs of cigs. Y do i still not get the numb feeling like before? what more must i do before i get reach that stage of numbness where i can just not have anything flooding my head? Every single second i am suffocating, i find it hard to breath. Even more so when i'm alone. Knowing i'm going to get my car alone sets my panic buttons on alert mode even before i'm near. All of these which I have not experience before.. I do not know how to deal with them.

i feel like coming out to my mum. at least i can just coop myself at home and cry my hearts out. but i do not have the energy or mental strength to handle another episode of emotional traumas.

where has my motivation, the hands that fill the gaps of my fingers gone to? i miss her. i'm lost.


周杰伦-说了再见

天亮了雨下了你走了
清楚了我爱的遗失了
落叶飘在湖面上睡着了
想要放放不掉泪在飘
你看看你看看不到
我假装过去不重要却发现自己办不到

说了再见才发现再也见不到
我不能就这样失去你的微笑
口红待在桌脚而你我找不到
若角色对调你说好不好

说了再见才发现再也见不到
能不能就这样忍着痛泪不掉
说好陪我到老永恒往哪里找
再次拥抱一分一秒都好

天亮了雨下了你走了
清楚了我爱的遗失了
落叶飘在湖面上睡着了
想要放放不掉泪在飘
你看看你看看不到
我假装过去不重要却发现自己办不到

说了再见才发现再也见不到
我不能就这样失去你的微笑
口红待在桌脚而你我找不到
若角色对调你说好不好

你的笑你的好脑海里一直在绕
我的手忘不了你手的温度
心碎了一地捡不回从前的心跳
伤心过去我无力逃跑

说再见才发现再也见不到
能不能就这样忍着痛泪不掉
说好陪我到老永恒往哪里找
再次拥抱一分一秒都好

Would u do the smae f I'm nOt reaDy to let u go?

how funny when we talked abt the topic last night and my colleague actually asked me abt it at work..

tomorrow or rather later will be the first day of my shift...
I'm looking forward and also reluctant to go into shift..
its gonna be a major change in my lifestyle...
no more public holidays... no more weekends...
i dunno if i will enjoy it at all..
i guess whats gonna keep me going will be the money...
save up for holidays that i long for... things that i want... things that my baby wants... hotel stopovers...

baby.. hopefully the time spend apart will make us have less fights and arguements...
and we'll treat each other better!!
i'll miss u... u better be good... hahaha