got into a minor accident... what a way to begin my first day of work after the festive holidays.. send it for repair after work... fuck up.. no mood... waste of money...

jealousy, sense of belonging and inferiority.
i never thought they could co-exist too.
but now i do too.

baby's back... kl tmr... yippie!!!

yet to get a call from you... worried... wonder how are you doing... i miss u... 29hrs 30mins before i can see u again...

i'm home! spent the weekend away with ting at bintan... the place is beautiful... nice beach... great swimming pool... we wouldn't mind going back there again man... Lynn.. u miss this!! u would have love it.... i got sunburnt on the first day.. i look like a red lobster now... hahaha... we spend abt 5 hrs in the pool and suntanning... drank at the pool bar... ate lunch... went to pasar oleh oleh for dinner... went back to the room to catch soccer companied by beer and nuts... lolx... i was making a nuisance out of myself to keep myself awake... and ting cannot stand me!! keke... got a few calls from baby which brighten up my day further... i hope she din shop too much in Sydney... bleah... i got to go sleep... my eyes are closing again... sigh... its monday tmr.. back to work again.... looking forward to KL next weekend... hehe...

i broke my ger's heart
i told her stuff which i shouldn't
i'll live to regret it
scarred

tired... ended work at 7.30pm today... was at suntec setting up the both for the CIA exhibition from tmr till fri... lotsa loading, unloading, climbing up and down, arranging and etc... legs are tired and sore... gonna report at suntec at 8am tmr... sigh... gonna be a busy, tiring week boy... went down to meet baby after work... she brought dinner for me!! nasi briyani and custard... yummy!! tastes fantastic... and i gobble everything down like a little hungry pig... hahaha... feels great to have dinner serve the moment you got 'home'... definately will taste better if she cooks down rather than her mum... keke... *hints*

went down to the expo to find lynn and jiahui today... was rather bored staying home playing games.... went to see the motorcar exhibition... was rather small as compared to the previous years.... lucky got free pass to get in... hehe.... headed over to the next hall to view the sitex exhibition... bump into wynne and yt... walked around for awhile and Baby called!! went over to pick her up then head to great world... saw nurdee at ben and jerry's... chatted with her for quite awhile.... ate my dinner then send her back... enjoyed the moment spent.... short but nice...

gonna be at suntec for the whole of next week... holding an exhibition there... gonna end work only at 6... sigh... no more reaching home early...

oh ya... yesterday went esplanade with baby, leo and steph... the prawns at Via Mar is simply splendid... finger licking good man... i'll be back for more definately... slurps!!

fucked up day... dun mention abt it.....

i wan lotsa smoke and drinks....

misinterpreted....

misunderstood....

numbing pain....

my mind's made up....

asking too many times makes it seems like begging... so forget it.....

what a memorable night...

been an eventful weekend... had a stay at Royal on Scotts on Friday night with Baby... had a great time there... leo popped by for a short while... mate suppose to come too but dunno y never turn up... hahaha... saturday... what did i do?? ermmmm.... walk around town... baby bought a pair of pants... bought dad a shirt from FOX... then head to cineleisure to meet leo and peifen for movie, JUST LIKE HEAVEN, nice show... i like.... then mate, beng, mate's taiwan fren, anders and ashburn came and we had dinner at billy bombers.... head home and watch soccer... went for a major shopping spree today... more of a shopping spree for baby... first time in my life carrying so many shopping bags... faints... hand also pain.. but what to do... everywhere is having sale... and so we buy and buy... and i sign and sign... ahhhhh!!! leo and ting came along and we went to catch The exorcism of Emily Rose... rather all right show... not scary... and ting is so not scare cos she is busy with her HP... hahaha... rush down to this shop to get a jacket as they having 20% discount today.. and baby got yet another jacket there.... bleahh... dinner and home we went.... no more MARINA SQUARE for the next few months... scary place...

just got home again... went out with gang of last night plus jolyn and emily minus bel.. hahaha... headed down to Marche for dinner... din ate alot as i was having a stomachache... headed down to alternative after that... jolyn and emily went home... first time there.. not bad a place... rather small though... had fun luffing... grabbing breasts... attacking one another sensitive areas... fighting with lotsa gong fu styles.. lolx.... gonna meet up for dinner tmr... more dramas???

earlier in the day... met jolyn for bowling... got a lunch treat at long john silver's from her... keke... her bowling is great man... play with her so xia suay... had 4 games... tiring... after bowling head down her house to collect some clothes for emily... her doggy, sashimi, is so cute... took some photos with her... hehe.. wish i have a dog too... thats all for today.. got to go bath... ciaoz...

home sweet home... back aching as its my first day of stoooppppiiidddd menses... head over to leo's place for lunch (bel, ting, lynn, baby and peifen)... hahaha... first time trying her food after such a lllllllooooooooonnnnnnngggg time... but not bad not bad... her porridge is quite nice.... head down to suntec to watch tom yum goong after that... nice exciting show... the gong fu moves are fantastic.. better than Jacky Chan's man... mate is so amaze by the moves that she make so much noise in the cinema... hahaha... Andrea joined us for the movie too... haven seen her for such a long time... After the show... went Mac to bitch on baby's colleague yet again... *FAINTS* hahaha... had fun taking pictures and posing... meeting up for dinner with the group again.. more gossips and gossips... lolx..

To love someone is painful..
How true....
Will i ever experience to be loved by someone than be the one loving?
Maybe not in this life....
Whatever...
Life is nothing but a game....
Win or lose....


Having a headache.....
Waiting to fall sick...
Hooray.....

Today
went to catch Deuce Bigalow with Baby today... been a long time since i catch a movie... been bugging her to catch a movie since 2 weeks ago but everytime last min some stuff will crop up... Gonna catch another movie on Wed with Aishah.. hopefully "into the blue" is still showing.. hahaha....

Sun
Went KTV with Baby, Wynne, YT, Jolyn, Emily and Nana (??) at Woodlands Civic Centre... spent half the time there talking with Jolyn... at least i got something to do since i dun sing... keke... hmmm...

Sat
Met up for dinner with Emily, Jolyn, mate and lynn at chinatown porridge... ate my usual wanton noodles since i dun eat porridge... and mate was blabbering non-stop abt JIAJIA liang cha... LOLX!!! Lynn and mate left after dinner... the rest of us went Double O... Baby and Wynne came later... had fun luffing.. drinking.. dancing... smooching... molesting each other... left around 2+.. ran in the rain with Jolyn.. haha.. i must have gone mad... then head down to river valley for supper... Knock out once we got home... Zzzzz........

Fri
Met Aishah, Lis and Aishah No. 2 in town for coffee... chatted about various stuff... left at 1+ to go woodlands to find Jolyn... went for a walk cum spin on my bike with her... fun... but still my mind is flooded with thoughts nonetheless... Got home at 4 drenched......

wet wet day it was today... just got home.. with lotsa jackets, clothes and pants to wash... helmets are wet & stinky... hope it can be aired dry by tmr... nothing exciting... send darling to her grandma place then head to bel's place for a quick chat then back to her grandma place for dinner.... was so so drenched.... then head down town for some quick shopping with darling... she got quite a catch.. hahah...

went down marina promenade to catch up with the usual peeps... had fun chatting.. laughing... preventing beng from taking pictures of herself... ahahaha.... and beng saw some pics which she is not suppose to!!! so embarrassed!! the babe contest really disappoint us.. but what to do... this is how things go.... aishah came and join us for awhile then she left... anyway... darling... happy 3rd month!! Love ya...

sunshine after the rain... no more war...

dunno whats wrong with my stomach today... keep having stomachache everytime i eat or drink something... been to the toilet 3 times already today... my ass - h.o.l.e pain man.... oh man... got to go again.... ahhh!!!!

heart aching
mind blank
disappointment
zero expectation
no tears

just got home from thumper... Went there at around 9 with Joey and frens... but left early as Baby got to wake up early tmr... hmmm.. the ambience and music is nice... crowd is rather mature.... Can consider going there again... Before that was at P.S after picking her up from work... had dinner and shop around alittle.... Had a little disagreement... and had actually sent her home before deciding to go down Thumper... but decided to ask if she wants to join me to prevent another 'cold war'... was disappointed to see her smoking when i went up to borrow the toilet... oh well... what can i say? *shrugs*

celebrated Emily's birthday last sat... had dinner at pepper lunch... hmmm... hope i get the name right.. hhaha... cooked our own meat and vege... so full from it cos Baby kept stuffing me with the food... bleah... never let your partner take control of the utensils... fat fat fat.... headed down to Cineleisure for pool and ktv... sang till 4+... head home and concussed... Sunday... woke up and sent Baby to her grandma's place... waited at the jalan kayu prata shop for an hr... freaking hot!! and i got a fucking ticket for not putting parking coupon... what luck!! was actually contemplating whether to put a ticket since i'm only waiting for an hr... i'm just freaking suay... sigh... never ever gonna not put a ticket anymore... lesson learnt....

Met Baby after work yesterday... shop at tampines mall for her cardigan with her colleague, specs... and she happily embarrassed me in front of her ... thats just so normal... hahaha... watch wait till you are older ... nice touching show... kinda funny too... almost teared but managed to control if not sure kenna suai... keke... right... shall update my blog weekly *keeping my fingers crossed*.. haha... Zzzzzzz.............

hmmm... went far east plaza yesterday for shopping with Baby as she got to buy clothes for work... oh man... she can really shop... hahaha... headed down sentosa with beng, kazu and mate at around 9pm... din know that there's an event going on there... couldn't ride my bike in as well.. so in the end got to leave my wife outside some construction site and take beng's car in.... the party wasn't too crowded... mostly invited guests... celebrated cheryl's birthday there... everyone had a HUGE slice of cake... headed home at around 11...

leave home around 4 plus to PS... had a short argument with her before that... sigh.. glad its clear up now... went for food... then got her her birthday present... Canon digital camera IXUS 55.. was a last min decision... hahaha... was suppose to give her a belated one... cos i'm out of cash... went to catch 1 more chance after that... a nice and meaningful movie... rather funny as well... then head home since we gotta work tmr...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY!!!!

just got home from my baby's place... poor her... gotta be all alone tonight at home... invited her over to my place tonight but she rejected cos she stayed over at my place last night and dun wan any trouble from my mum suspecting... managed to clear my mum doubts on the mark on my neck (though none of my colleagues believe me... Lolx!) ... lucky ah min was with us that night... sorry babe... had to use u to clear cheryl's name... and luckily my mum believe me... Phew!!

Was on leave today.. spent the entire afternoon at home playing Sims 2 with her... use the cheat codes to earn lotsa money... hahaha! but i guess my system was rather slow as it always hang when we built a new house... headed to her grandma's place to celebrate her birthday in advance... was actually waiting at the prata shop at jalan kayu... but in the end... still got persuaded to her grandma's place...

Head down to Lynn's place for mooncake feast... Mate and leo were there... had a good time luffing abt the spoilt durian mooncake, pictures and MSN... *shakes head*... hahaha... what else to expect with them around? been awhile since i saw leo... was surprised to see her there... catch up alittle on some stuff... all of us head home at 11.

Mate... remember our $6 deal ok? oppss.. sorry... it's now $3.. since u box my eye....

Baby... had a great day with you today.... hope u will have a good time on your first day of work tmr... I love you...

突然累了
吃饭吃到睡了
我开车开到傻了
我看书看到你了
开始怀疑我怎么了
说话说到吐了
我写歌写到疯了
我爱你 爱到盲了
天知道我又怎么了
不舍得 舍不得 都分手了
舍不得 不舍得 散了
(爱是你的 我是我的 完了)
原来我只是突然累了
原来我不说了
原来我撑著撑到麻了
原来我不爱了

hello ppl!! I'm at a internet cafe in Germany now.... wasting time before i check in to my flight... I miss Singapore though i'm only away for a week... i miss my baby... i miss the food... i miss the crazy ppl around me.... i miss my bed... i miss my lao po (my bike)... so glad i'm finally coming home...

hmmm... weather here is not cold at all ... din use any of my sweaters that i brought over here... even have to sleep without my top at night... no fan.. no aircon... hot hot hot!! the company premises is good... training was all right... sometimes too technical that i dun even understand... but i enjoy the practical sessions... lunch is always in the company... tried different dishes everyday... dun finish also never mind... its free anyway... hahha...

The day that i arrive was boring... everywhere is close... walk around the empty streets... there is a wine and beer feast going on... but i din try any.. not interested at all... head back to the hotel and slept... think i slept the entire day away.... make a fool out of myself at dinner on Monday in front of my taiwanese colleagues (they are my companions here)... i shall not say out what happen... its so embarrassing... then the next day... something funny happen again... but thank god no one knows abt it.... hehehe... nothing much happen on the third day... then on the fourth day... the german colleagues treated everyone to dinner... and we went back to the same restaurant that i embarrassed myself and the waiter recognised me!! so everyone knows wat happen to me there... i was blushing and luffing like mad...

the food and stuff here is so freaking expensive... i wanna buy things back also cannot... i did buy abit but not alot.. mate... i got chocolates for you... but must share with everybody k.... and thanks to those who send me off that day (mate, lynn, dex, kazu, jay [hope i din get the name wrong])... sorry that i went in without waiting for u guys... hahaha... u guys can share the chocolates with mate k... please send me those photos taken??

right... i'm getting tired... 1 more hr to go.... snores... so i'll be coming back tmr at 5.55pm (auspicious time ha) at Terminal 1... Qantas airline... anyone coming? Ciaoz.... See u ppl soon....

Long time since i blog... let me recall what i have been doing for the past 1 month... nothing much really happen though... been going out and coming home late... eating supper with chris, serene, ah min and cheryl... and growing FAT! put on 3 Kgs in like 2 weeks... after losing 2 Kgs in a month... pengz... been to Corrinne May's concert last wed... nice songs... but i'm kinda tired then and i almost doze off.... what else... hmmm... got bumped by a van but lucky nothing happen... din fall just swerve here and there for a moment... saw a few accidents on the expressway.. kinda scary.. i dun even dare to look.... gives me jelly legs... thats all i can recall... i'll update further if i can remember...

Mate... sorry i couldn't turn up for your performance... freaking broke... hope everything went well for you... Germany's trip is looming... i dun even know if i got extra cash to bring there... sigh... fuck up....

been awhile since i blog after getting my bike... have been riding on it every night... going out till the late hours... nothing special happens anyway for the past week... just that my bike got some problem with the signal light... need to send it for servicing soon... and i nearly got killed today... wasn't concentrating when i'm making the turn... din see the car coming... thx god.. nothing happen to me... and a stupid car change lane so close to me and he din even signal... i nearly went over to the other lane trying to avoid him without checking the other lane if there is any vehicles... and there's this bike who rides so close to me then a slight turn of his wheels or mine.. we would have bang into each other... sigh... escaped an accident 3 times in a day... what luck... saw an accident on the expressway though.. the motorist got killed... the car 2 right wheels were on the barrier... must be a speeding case... kinda scary...

hmmm.. enough of accidents... spend 5 hrs with bel at her club singing ktv... got no choice but to sing with her cos there's only 2 of us... no one to push to... sang in the lounge somemore... so embarrassing...but luckily there is no one in the lounge except for the employees there... had fun though i din sang great... its still a first time for me... hahaha... for me to open my golden mouth... and its so cheap! $9 for 5 hrs of singing and 2 beers...

i'm so bored... can't believe i'm home so early on a saturday night... sigh... baby.... i miss u...

i've collected my wife home!!! gorgeous!! hahaha... time to buy 4D.. if i strike.. i bring her for a makeover... lolx!! i'm so excited... shall go bring her for a spin around Singapore tonight... lalala... ciao... shower time.. and i'm getting out!!

Yiipppiiieee!!! i finally bought my bike... hahaha.. got my dad to go down today to sign the papers... can't wait to collect it!! yeah!!! try to rush the guy to let me collect it on fri.. but he said earliest will on sat... if not.. it will be next week... i'm gonna pester him to let me get it on fri.... hahaha... excited.... i can't wait to see my wife!!!!!! lalala.... vrrroooommmmm..........

its confirmed... i will be going to Germany in Sept for training for about a week... but this time i will going alone... boring... such a long flight somemore... sit until backside sore with no one to talk to... hahaha... Cecila will be joining me at work tmr... can't wait!! never imagine we will end up working together...

and I'm getting my bike next week!! yipppiieee!!! after so long man... and my dad din even disagree... he will go down to sign the papers for me... keke... counting down to 2nd july..... hmmm... i wonder can instant drive the bike away anot... lolx... i wanna go for a spin!!! get lost also nvm... hahaha....

just got home... went town for dinner at Marche with Emily and Jolyn... headed to coffee bean to chat... had a good chat... in depth thoughts.... love and relationships... we had alot in common... well.. maybe like what she says... we knew each other at the wrong time... i guess this happens to everybody... just strive for what u want... u'll never know till u try...

i'm quite drained out... been going out everyday.... returning home around 4 plus on weekends... terribly lack of sleep.... reach home at almost 5 on friday night... got screwed upside down by my dad... he asked me not to mess with his words... he says he knows what i am doing outside... so what? i can't be bothered anymore... if he dare... say it out.. i admit it in his face.... hmmm... i just dun wanna talked back to him... he said i din contribute to the family... what abt him? what has he ever done? just another asshole who is fucking around outside.... i just choose to not bother... i have to cover his ass everytime he comes home in the morning... ganging up with him to lie to my mum... only appears nice to me when he need my help... fuck off!!

woke up at 9 plus by bel's call... she likes calling me at such hours... hahaha... was suppose to go back to sleep after that... but receive another call from Jen... thought of lazing awhile more before washing up.. but i doze off again... hahaah.. i'm that tired... woke up at 11.15 from Jen's call again.. saying they on their way to fetch me... jumped up of bed to go watch up... headed to holland v to buy my radio for work.. then head to margaret drive for lunch... nice bouncy fishballs... hehe... after lunch.. head down to bel's house.. chatted for awhile and we doze off... hahaha... slept for abt 3 hrs i think... then head down to boat quay to wait for dusty to finish her manicure and pedicure... then 4 of us (faith came later) head down to coffee bean... leo and steph came... dusty tied my hair up! Ah!! never tied my hair in my entire life... i bet i looked awful.. but they say i dun.... hahaha... i can feel myself blushing so much when dusty was tieing my hair... my face was so hot! borrowed bel's cap to cover my face... hehe... chatted awhile.. head to golden cafe for dinner.. share a plate of fried rice with dusty... then went for a drink at lighthouse... send dusty to the train station... then head back home with my hair tied up.. too lazy to remove...hehe...

woke up at 12 plus today... ate lunch and fell back asleep... i'm just so bored... heading out in another hr's time... meeting tiffy for dinner... ciaoz.. gonna go bath le... i'm still tired...

i'm waiting for the day that you tell me you are ready
i'm waiting for the day that i can walk side by side with you holding your hands
i'm waiting for the day when we can live our dreams together
i'm waiting for the day where i can declare that you are mine
i'm waiting for that day to come true...
i wish you can see the smile on my face thinking of you..
waiting patiently for that day where i can smile my brightest smile...

2 Songs from the backstreet boys album that are on my repeat list...

"Just Want You To Know"

Looking at your picture from when we first met
You gave me a smile that I could never forget
And nothing I could do could protect me from you that night

Wrapped around your finger, always on my mind
The days would blend 'cause we stayed up all night
Yeah, you and I were everything, everything to me

I just want you to know that I've been fighting to let you go
Some days I make it through and then there's nights that never end
I wish that I could believe that there's a day you'll come back to me
But still I have to say I would do it all again
Just want you to know

All the doors are closing I'm tryin' to move ahead
And deep inside I wish it's me instead
My dreams are empty from the day, the day you slipped away

I just want you to know that I've been fighting to let you go
Some days I make it through and then there's nights that never end
I wish that I could believe that there's a day you'll come back to me
But still I have to say I would do it all again
Just want you to know

That since I lost you, I lost myself
No I can't fake it, there's no one else

I just want you to know
That I've been fighting to let you go
Some days I make it through and then there's nights that never end
I wish that I could believe that there's a day you'll come back to me
But still I have to say I would do it all again
Just want you to know

That I've been fighting to let you go
Some days I make it through and then there's nights that never end
I wish that I could believe that there's a day you'll come back to me
But still I have to say I would do it all again
Just want you to know

"Siberia"

When you come back I won't be here
She said and gently pulled me near
If you want to talk you can call
I know it's not your fault

I just smiled and said let go of me
But there's something that I've just gotta know
Did someone else steal my part?
She said it's not my fault

Then my heart did time in Siberia
Was waiting for the lie to come true
'Cause it's all so dark and mysterious
When the one you want doesn't want you too

I was drifted in between
Like I was on the outside looking in, yeah yeah
In my dreams you are still here
Like you've always been

Oh yeah, my heart did time in Siberia
Was waiting for the lie to come true
'Cause it's all so dark and mysterious
When the one you want doesn't want you too

I gave myself away completely
But you just couldn't see me
Though I was sleeping in your bed
'Cause someone else was on your mind
In your head

When I came back she wasn't there
Just a note left on the stairs
If you want to talk give me a call

My heart did time in Siberia
Was waiting for the lie to come true
'Cause it's all so dark and mysterious
When the one you want doesn't want you too
When the one that you want doesn't want you

My heart did time in Siberia
Was waiting for the lie to come true
'Cause it's all so dark and mysterious
When the one you want doesn't want you too

Siberia, Siberia
When the one you want doesn't want you too

its been a really really crazy weekend... i never had so many people celebrating my birthday before... Thx guys!! i never enjoyed myself so much for so long... DEFINATELY the best birthday party i ever had in my whole life.... and of course the most memorable one... with the special gifts and surprises u guys gave me... Thx!

let me start off with friday... went jack's place for dinner with a whole bunch of people (leo, peifen, emily, jolynn, mama, ting, wynne, kazu, bel, xc, dusty, faith) ... didn't expect to had a celebration with these bunch of people especially when i know most of them for like only 2 weeks? i was in the toilet when i heard the birthday song playing outside... and before i knew it.. mama came and drag me out.. i haven even got into the toilet yet!! was really touched... never had anything like that before... ate the cake and had a great time luffing at ting, kazu and mama's singing sensation.. so damn corny! headed down to harry's for drinks... had a few rounds of 'have you ever'... gosh... its so embarrassing!! seems like most of my secrets are out... all thx to TING!!! bish!!! went into the bar after that for alittle bit of dancing before heading home... and when bel sorta dirty dance with me looking me in the eye.. i dunno where to look!! hahah.... somehow they manage to convince me to dance.. i dunno y.. hahaha

saturday... went out for lunch and shopping with Joey and Jen... then they treat me to eat at Ah roy's thai... the tom yam soup is fantastic!!! too bad... its too far.. i dunno how to go there if i wanna go again... leo came along for the dinner at Ah roy's thai... went down to plaza sing for movie, Madagascar... 9 of us... a pretty funny but short cartoon.. din like the ending though... kinda sudden in the way they end... hang around at mac for a short while before heading down to Bar... cookie, jack, jeremy, haji, ramesh, jack's fren, xiu, diana, sheena, kiat, aishah and jeremy no 2... aishah and me had to drink a flaming lamborghini... it sucks! taste like fever medicine... asked to the dance floor by cookie, sheena and diana... then rest and dance again with jack, cookie and sheena... madness... never dance so much in my life before... and the best thing is i din even reject.... guess i'm too high... the effect of the drink is damn slow... before i head off... force to bottles up a bottle a barcardi breezer and half a jug of vodka ribina.... went home.. concuss...

today.. went lunch with tiffy at Great World City... she looks nice in her new hairstyle.. fresher... leo and mama join us later... think she feels kinda awkward with them... and leo commented that she's bendable... hahaha... what a word! and leo was called a monkey by her!! hahaha... leo.. u can't blame a kid!.. head down to suntec to meet bel... chatted at nydc for like 3 hrs... and now i'm finally home... phew... tiring... what an unbelievable weekend... u guys make my day...

the rain has stopped and the sun is out to play again... just as the same time when i can smile again.... how ironic... everything that appears in my head just seems like sweet memories that made an impact in my life... i'm ready to begin a new chapter in my life...

Cindy... I'm still waiting for u to teach me how to blog... u better dun be lazy ok!!! get your ass moving!! hahaha!!

got home at 2am last night... had a great time with ah min and gang at ktv... really unplanned for.. came as a big surprise... was just suppose to go check out bikes with serene and chris... then head down to funan center to check out computer prices with them... ah min happens to be at funan too to cut her hair... then decided to go for a drink... so in the end landed up at K box at lucky chinatown... it was just suppose to be a singing session... they then decided to celebrate my birthday for me...they ordered a total of 5 jugs of beers... goodness! never ever ordered so much beer in my life... played some games and kept drinking... i knock out in the ktv... puked twice... i woke up in the ktv lying on ah min hugging her... dun even know how come... hahaha... went home after that.... chris and ah min was drunk too... they puked as well... only serene is the sober one and she got to drive... went home... fell straight on my bed and sleep... i din even change out!

was so blur at work today that i can't even spell properly.... my client was spelling for me c.h. bleah bleah bleah... but i keep writing... s.h. hahahah... and A.T have to correct me... so pai seh.... yea... ivy is quitting on the 17th June and Derek on the 30th.. i will be the only sales person left... sob sob... i only 3 months at the job and i'm gonna be the most senior one... pengz... and i really need to get a bike for work... i'm suppose to be in charge of the Jurong Island accounts... without transport... it will be so hard for me... sigh... got to check out my budget...

had a great time riding yesterday... so carefree... but i'm really damn bad with roads... even going to somewhere near gets me lost... hahaha.... then again... i enjoyed the session... i really can't wait to get my own bike... and to think that i'm not afraid of pillioning people as what i thought i'm afraid to... then again... i'm quite a dangerous rider i think... i ride too fast... i turn corners at fast speed too and i do wide turning and i beat a red light as well... hahaha... everything i learn in the center went down the drain.... well.. i dun care... practise makes perfect... wonder when can i borrow the bike again? i'm addicted... maybe i can try borrowing it on my birthday... hehe... i shall see...

woohoo!! finally get to ride on a bike after getting my lisence.... leng borrowed me her bike and i rode from her house all the way to bukit timah for supper... riding at 100km/h... shiok like hell!!! after eating rode back to her house and ah min suggested we borrowed her bike to go orchard to meet her fren... was kinda scare cos i never pillion people before and its my first time on the road... anyhow... i manage to do it... rode down to orchard... then went chinatown... then back home... hahaha... can't wait to get my own bike... think i will go for a spin everyday... hahaha... and i can continue to ride the bike tmr!!! yippie!!! time to go sleep... gotta wake up early tmr... night night...

back home after a long day... tiring but yet i can't sleep... some thoughts are circling my head... but i can't say it out... there's no one i can say it to... i'm quite amazed by the reaction i have towards everything now... it dun seems like me at all... totally different... i just can't describe what has got into me...

i guess i've woken up... learnt lots of things through this period... knowing my pals better... who's always there for me... thx buddies! i can't thank you guys enough for all the things u have done for me... i feel on top of the world having u guys beside me every single moment... thank you so much... never been happier...

Wynne.. Thx for the memories u gave me... it will always be in my head...i dun blame you for what u have done.. u deserve someone better... 'm happy that you have found someone who can give u more than what i can do for u... all the best to the both of u from the bottom of my heart... keep in touch...

"Incomplete"

Empty spaces fill me up with holes
Distant faces with no place left to go
Without you within me I can't find no rest
Where I'm going is anybody's guess

I've tried to go on like I never knew you
I'm awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I'm going to be is incomplete

Voices tell me I should carry on
But I am swimming in an ocean all alone
Baby, my babyIt's written on your face
You still wonder if we made a big mistake

I've tried to go on like I never knew you
I'm awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I'm going to be is incomplete

I don't mean to drag it on, but I can't seem to let you go
I don't wanna make you face this world alone
I wanna let you go (alone)

I've tried to go on like I never knew you
I'm awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I'm going to be is incomplete

Incomplete

"The Reason"

I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why i need you to hear

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You [x4]

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you

i'm back... its been an emotional trip.. i dun think i wanna go into deep details about it... my worst fears are confirmed... my instinct before i left couldn't have been more accurate... i tried asking her back.. but my pleas are in vain... i guess i really lost her... time to wake up... time to stop harbouring hopes that things will be better... i will only hurt myself more... if its really meant to be.. she'll come back to me... but the chances of her coming back to me is minimum. more likely she will be with someone else... someone else much better than me.. someone who can understands her better.. someone who can take care of her better than i do.. someone who can make her happy which i can't do.. i should move on... everything else are just plain memories... crying for anymore days are just tears.. nothing's gonna change... face the fact... she's out of my life...

everything's easier said than done.. i'm just plain hopeless and useless...

leaving soon in another 7 hrs... things are still not doing too well... sigh... i'll just leave it to fate.. i dun feel like going... i dun have too good a feeling abt it when i'm coming back... i dunno.. maybe i just got no confidence....

i guess the end is near... i can feel it... passionless... emotionless... lack of concern... speechless... cold... how will i react to the verdict when its announced? i dunno... i'm preparing for it... i hope i will be ready...

its been too dramatic for the past couple of days... its draining me... i feel like a zombie... numb... blank... empty... directionless... my world seems to have collapsed.... it seems like i dun even know who i am anymore.... i'm living another person's life which i dunno what i am suppose to do... its just like i woke up from a coma... i dun seem to have a clue about everything and everyone around me... i'm lost....

i'm fighting a losing battle... i'm bleeding without a wound on me standing in the battlefield... AHHHHH!!!! everything i do seems to be wrong... when i should fire, i duck... when i should charge, i hold back... nothing is appreciated... whats in it for me to fight harder?

how i wish my trip to melbourne is longer right now? I dun wanna come back here... I dun wanna face whatever is looming ahead.... i wanna be all alone in a world where nobody knows who i am... just by myself....

did i make a wrong step into getting into this kind of r/s right from the start? did i bring this upon myself telling lies to cover up my ass... breaking my mum's heart...she telling herself that her daughter isn't what she is refusing to believe? i haven't got an answer... i hope the answer is no... this is a risk where there is no turning back...

i'm lost.... so so lost.....

its been a month and a half in my new job... definately like it better than my previous one... more freedom less reports less meetings... though i do miss my technicians at my previous job... lots of retrenchment going on there too... everyone is feeling so unsettled... glad i left early... hmmm... back to my new job... it has definately got better management and welfare.. and i think i got to learn to talk more.. learn to make conversations... lengthen the conversations with clients who are rather quiet.... its rather tough.. i dun really enjoy starting conversations... and sometimes i hate the expressions that clients gave... lucky most of them are rather nice.... and i'm starting to feel tired having to run from place to place.... din feel it in the first place cos A.T used to drive me everywhere i go... hahaha.... going to take my final theory test this coming sat... haven even read a single page of the book yet... preparing to fail... hahaha... hmmm... i really need a car for this job... but what if i dun stay in this job for long? i will have a big problem supporting my car if i buy one... really got to calculate properly man..... though i really wish to own one.... sigh.... going to Melbourne in 1 month's time... will be gone for a week... can't wait!!!

went to the zoo with DaRLiN last weekend... had an enjoyable time... a totally different feel as other weekends of movies, movies and more movies.... a slow walk around the zoo for 5 hrs... DaRLiN busy capturing pictures... haha... i enjoy photography too... but too bad i dun own a camera... hope the pictures turn out nice... and we can start our first mini scrapbook... DaRLiN... faster go develop the photos k....

I PASS MY MOTORBIKE TEST!!!! YIPPIEE!!! FINALLY GOT MY LICENCE!!! HAHAHA!!!

I can't stop jumping for joy... its mine finally after 1 year!!! Finally pass after 3 tries.... after spending around a thousand bucks!! TMD!!! i can't wait to pester my dad to let me ride his bike... going for a spin round and round... but DaRLiN.. i'm sorry.. i still dun have the guts to pillion u... hehehe... safety on the road... i can't protect u on that...

Yea... calm down calm down... i shall move on to a driving licence... anyone got a good private instructor to recommend??? okok... shall go bath le... hahahha... i stink!

its been a week at my new job... kinda like it though i'm always sitting in the office reading and reading more catalogues... hahaha... the people there are great... welfare is good... and there are always company activities like bowling competition, D&D, for the employees... Monday will be the first time i will be going out to meet my clients... nervous man.. hope i make a good impression... for the whole of March.. A.T will be following me out to meet my clients and then i'm on my own.. hopefully i remember my chemistry if they ever throw me any technical questions... hahaha...

Thankfully i'm out of my old job.. speaking to my ex-colleague.. i heard that they will be retrenching some ppl starting next week.. no one knows how many ppl will be retrenched and who they are... its so scary... i hope none of my technicians will get it.. *prays hard*

Gonna go for my aunt's funeral (accident in Muar) tonight... i got a shock when i recieve the call from my mum in the office... it was totally unexpected... and i haven seen her since last year's CNY... sigh... life is so vulnerable... u just got no control over it... please dun let me die this way... i wan to have my last moments with my closed ones....

You Are 22 Years Old

22 Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

I tender my resignation yesterday... came as a real big surprise for the boss... The first thing he told me was:" your resignation made me feels so pathetic." (He said it in Cantonese)... Till now, i still dun understand why did he say that... maybe he feels that if i'm gone... there will be no one to help him with all his data, reports and presentation slides which is not part of my job at all... at times i feel that i'm like a clerk to him rather than an engineer and thats probably 1 of the reason that i wanted to leave the company... Everyone was pretty shocked when i told them abt it as well... they all thought that i'm lying to them... My boss avoided eye contact with me the whole day that day... coming to talk to me abt it only when its almost knock off... He somehow whispered that "ain't i afraid that work is gonna be very tough for him?" when we are walking to the conference room... I replied with a loud "HUH???" He asked me alot of questions.. somehow i can feel that he feels really uneasy talking abt this issue with me... he has got lotsa of evaluations that he wants me to help him with for the coming year... telling me of the direction and plans he is gonna take... too bad... its just too late... where are u when i needed your advise and solutions?? Hiding in another department and coming out when the coast is clear.. or simply just keep quiet... where's the direction u are supposed to give me for all my projects?? u gave me none... always telling all the actions to that beloved china 'son' of yours... u din even correct me when the observations i made are wrong... i had to bear the black wok myself when i had to present the damn findings to the director... all u know is to keep quiet and rubbing salt in.... the more i stayed in this company.. the more i'm tired of your sheep's clothing... the more disrespect i'll show u... i'm just too tired of u... i might not be the best as compared to the others.. but u never appreciated me... the praises u gave out are just too fake... u did that cos u need my help to compile loads of rubbish for u... i'm just glad i'm finally getting out of here... at least its worth the risk of going to explore another area which i got no experience in.... i will miss everybody but definately not u... u simply sucks to the core!!! ask the GM to talk me out of it... but i can say it wun make any difference to my decision of leaving... cos he sucks as much as u do....

You Are a Dreaming Soul

Your vivid emotions and imagination takes you awy from this world So much so that you tend to live in your head most of the time You have great dreams and ambitions that could be the envy of all... But for you, following through with your dreams is a bit difficult You are charming, endearing, and people tend to love you. Forgiving and tolerant, you see the world through rose colored glasses. Underneath it all, you have a ton of passion that you hide from others. Always hopeful, you tend to expect positive outcomes in your life. Souls you are most compatible with: Newborn Soul, Prophet Soul, and Traveler Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

You are the Sun card. The light of the Sun reveals
all. The Sun is joyful and bright, without fear
or reservation. The childish nature of the Sun
allows you to play and feel free. Exploration
can truly take place in the light of day when
nothing is hidden. The Sun's rays fill you with
energy so that you may live life to its
fullest, milking pleasure out of each day. Such
joy and energy can bring wealth and physical
pleasure. To shine in the light of day is to
have confidence, to soak up its rays is to feel
the freedom of a child. Image from: Stevee
Postman. http://www.stevee.com/


Which Tarot Card Are You?
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Went down Merck for my final interview today.... sign my appointment letter and off i go...... its a great feeling signing that letter... ending 5 months of misery of finding a new job.. sending countless resumes... going for interviews and a couple of 2nd interviews... buying saturday's classifiedads... waiting for emails... phone calls... taking leave or faking MCs to go for interview... Phew!!! I can't wait to start work... definately.. its a great company to join with lotsa potential to explore...

Kinda excited and nervous... its a totally different job scope as to what i am doing now... sales... meeting people... persuading people to give the products a try... i dun even know how to start man!!! Whats more i'm more easily persuaded by someone else rather than me persauding someone... Haha!!! its a great challenge to take up... i hope i can make it...*prays hard*

Before i start work.. i gotta go for a major shopping spree... change a whole new wardrode... no more t-shirts and jeans... i gotta buy office wear... lots and lots of it... a bag to take to work... no more haversacks and sling bags... a pair of shoes... sigh... and B.R.A ( can i dun wear that please, DaRLiN??) sigh.. i foresee a big hole in my pocket already... oh ya... any suggestions where i can get such stuff with me not spending too much in one go???

All right... enough of me abt my new job... taking my bike test on valentine's day.. i hope i can pass it the 2nd time round man... Hope the testers will be kind enough... give me alittle love on this day!!! hahaha.... and i can't wait to give DaRLiN a ride in a bike... hopefully i wun crash my dad's bike... keke...

All right... shall lie in bed and think of excuses to tell my boss.. when i hand him the resignation letter... Nitez... looking forward to Ting's Macdonald's party!!!