haven been doing much lately... busy working on presentations and projects... 2 projects to be due tomorrow... i guess i'm in a state where i can't be bothered with work... no motivation... no mood... can't be bothered... any suggestions by my boss i'll just do what i can if not fuck it... this is bad... the last time i felt this way was when i wanna quit my previous job... not this time i know i can't leave just as i wish... i need one which can pay me.... for my car and my parents and my brother's education in the future... the thought of it scares me to bits... it just seems to me that that day seems to be looming closer and i'm not the least prepared for it.... and i still dunno what i wanna do in my life... i'm living it without a direction..... and i hate it during appraisals when they always ask what are ur future plans and every single time my answer would be i dunno... it dun reflect well... but i rather be honest than shit my way to make myself impressive...

just gotten my mum a new refrigerator... she likes it.... hehe
my brother a new gameboy game...
my dad... erm... be a taxi driver for him as and when he calls even when i'm in hougang i have to drive back for him?? pass him my car when he needs it cos its raining and i get home on a bike drenched in the rain?? damn.... he still can go out when we dun have a car... but now... with the rain.. no car around he can't get out but i can??? maybe the raindrops wun hit on me...... ironic....

無 論 做 的 多 好 你 都 看 不 到
無 論 做 的 多 好 對 你 都 不 重 要
永 遠 都 在 別 人 的 背 後
我 到 底 要 做 些 什 麼 你 才 會 發 覺
有 時 覺 得 自 己 好 笨
明 知 道 是 一 快 大 石 頭 還 要 硬 硬 去 撞
你 真 的 要 我 遠 離 ﹐ 忘 了 你 嗎

sentosa for soccer and sun tanning for the weekend... been a long time since the gang hang out together.... had really good fun with good muffins! banana muffins.... yummy!!!! and the nap on the hammock is so shiok swaying with the wind..... and now i've got a nice dark tan though my parents complained i'm too dark!!!

xmas lunch today at work... did some last min shopping for xmas present on sun... gotten a mug this year... hmmm.... another one to go on wed.. this time within the division.... *prays hard i dun get a mug again* i have been getting lotsa mugs for the past few years that its still all unused..... more shopping to be done to be bought for the rest of the team since they have already gave me mine... i'm so broke broke broke!!!!

read through an email u send to me... it brought a drop of tear rolling down my face....

难道爱一个人有错吗

在一个落叶风零的秋天
遇到我一生中最爱的人
从此以后她的样子
把我整颗心灌醉
让我爱的那么汹涌那么真
多么希望她能给我一点真爱
多么希望她会过的快乐
多么希望我能给她一点点感动
可是老天却把感情捉弄
究竟我是怎么了怎么了
难道爱一个人真的有错吗
虽然爱一个人很苦
可我还渴望一点爱
我怎么了哭了吗
竟然爱她爱到那么施舍
痛的最后哭了以后也快乐
多么希望她能给我一点真爱
多么希望她会过的快乐
多么希望我能给她一点点感动
可是老天却把感情捉弄
究竟我是怎么了怎么了
难道爱一个人真的有错吗
虽然爱一个人很苦
可我还渴望一点爱
我怎么了哭了吗
竟然爱她爱到那么施舍
痛的最后哭了以后也快乐
我不想爱她却是更加思念
她欠我的怀抱何时能还吗
欠我的怀抱何时能还吗
究竟我是怎么了怎么了
难道爱一个人真的有罪吗
或多或少给点安慰
哪怕慈悲的怀抱
算了吧忘了吧
陷的越深越无法自拔
宁愿自己守着伤悲
也快乐

张韶涵-其实很爱你
离开不会太悲伤
有些心情该释放
直到眼泪它自己落下
才发现骗不了自己
其实很爱你
现在学着去遗忘
躲开有你的地方
回忆被谁放在书架上
把他从最高的地方落下
感动越是深刻
寂寞就越伤人喔
每个人的心里
都会有一段伤痕
像白纸的天真
仿佛被你伤得好深
相爱不需要理由
离开也没有理由挽留

got back from bangkok on mon.... was a disappointing trip for me personally... feels as if i din been there at all... no tom yam soup... no shark fin... not much shopping... shall go there again to explore once more soon... communicating with the ppl there is really hard... dun understand what they say and vice versa... not even hand signs help much... hahaha...

concert with wynne on wed... blood donation today... yeah... first time doing so... painless... shall do it regularly... i like seeing the blood flow into the bag...

feels like a jerk, an asshole..... leave me alone.........

个人秘密

感觉到幸福正把你围绕
看得出做晚做梦拼命在傻笑
看着你和她爱到无可救药
我嘴角在微笑
眼眶却在发烧
你说我今天忽然不唠叨
我只好说我出门忘记带大脑
对你的感情不想让你知道
带走你的问号转身潇洒的走掉
我不想变成你的困扰
一句我爱你让你不知如何是好
多余的爱情会是苦恼
不去乞讨你的拥抱
我不想变成你的困扰
爱你是个人秘密
我会小心藏好
交会时浅浅的一个微笑
代表多少
我想你不用知道

half an hour to go before heading to the airport... just finished packing my bag... have yet to change my money... dunno how much should i even change... budget is so super tight this month... my bills are escalating that i can't even be bothered already despite the no of final reminders that they send me... living in the expense of future earned money... fuck.....

went for yinmin's dad wake last night... life is unpredictable... just the previous night i was attending her wedding dinner... never did i expect the next day this would happen... sigh...

was suppose to be a good day yesterday... one call spoiled it all... y must every conversation turns out to be an argument? is it never possible to have a proper conversation? yet another lie ... a good lie means telling a lie without getting detected... y bother lieing when the other party already knows it... maybe i'm dumb to u....but i rather choose not to expose u given ur arrogance ... sometimes u really wonder if helping ppl out is a good thing after all when u dun even get a word of thanks but yet all u get is a trashing from them... i guess thats how the meaning of words like unreasonable and unappreciative comes about....

luckily i have u by my side yesterday....u never fail to make me smile... thx for the day.... i'll miss u when i'm away.... :)

its been 2 years since i spend an entire day at home.... the fear of facing my room alone has finally gone i guess.... maybe it has not i dunno since i slept most of the time.... nights of staying out till 2 plus, memories of u playing on my mind, tears rolling down my face every night... has it finally come to an end? i certainly hope so.......

wedding dinner tmr... an event i've always hated and avoid.... but this time i'm feeling excited abt it... i guess its the 1st wedding of a fren rather than a relative that i'm attending... finally someone of ur age / that grows up with u is typing the knot... at the same time... i dunno what to wear... or rather i've got nothing for such occasions... luckily, i'm ending work late tmr so i'll be in my office wear... hahah!!!

off to bangkok on fri!! last min trip... i can't wait!!! my first trip there.... a break from the work load that i'm gonna dump behind... hahaha!!! mate... u dun have to help me get the stuff le... i'll get on my own... thank you!!!!

company meeting early yesterday morning at marina mandarin... had a great buffet lunch after that... did some window shopping before heading down to Jing's place... helped her to prepare the apples for her fanastic apple crumble while waiting for the rest to come... Yummy!!! cooked abit before leo came and take over... hahaha... left after that to meet Chris, Serene, Pui Pui and Charlene for movie... caught Saw 3... its disgusting!!! enjoyed such shows nonetheless... would u preferred to be the one getting tortured or watching them get tortured??? hahaha... i prefer to go through the first one... at least the pain would be too extreme that u wun feel anything after awhile... watching ppl get tortured and looking at the blood will definately make me go weak and faint!!! went for supper though i din eat... send Charlene home around 4++.... slept till 4pm today.... felt tired still.... its monday... back to work again... sigh....

looking forward to my bonus.... hope i hit my target.... *prays*

又是一個情緒低落的夜
為什麼重是我
這一些根本就不該發生
是我自作多情嗎
事實在眼邊
是我看不到还 是 不 想 看
在 她 眼 里 的 人 不 是 我
这 都 得 停
不 想 在再 陷 的 更 深 伤 的 更 重

Just Like The Old Times
Remember The Old Rhymes
On The Cold Streets We First Met
Seemed So Right
Cos Im Still Missin U

心裡有好多的話想說
可是我說不出口
沒人懂也沒人會了解
心好痛好酸
不想讓人知道
可是我的淚被人看見了

Lips Of An Angel - Hinder

Honey why you calling me so late
It's kinda hard to talk right now
Honey why you crying is everything okay
I gotta whisper cause I can't be too loud
Well, my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel
It's funny that you're calling me tonight
And yes I dreamt of you too
And does he know you're talking to me
Will it start a fight
No I don't think she has a clue
Well my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel
(And I never wanna say goodbye)
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel
Honey why you calling me so late

I love this song...
the lyrics are meaningful..
it means so much...
i still miss u through the years...
i wish ..............

dinner with Chris and Serene yesterday at Chinatown... ate claypot rice... waited for an hr for the food... all of us were starving.... but the food is worth the wait!!! went to play pool before heading home... got a call from Charlene at 2am... went over to her place for a chat... left at 3.30am... wanted to go for breakfast with her... but my dad called...

dinner with them again today... had korean food at Meredian food court... left mahjong after that.. Pui Pui wanna give Chris a surprise but she spilled out without realising... hahaha!!

Happy Birthday Chris and Vanessa!!!

Motorshow with Chris, Serene and pui pui on Thursday... got to sit in the stunt ride!! Fun!!! feels like taking bumper car with the brakes and jerks.... and lucky chris got to sit in the car with Ross Swift doing the 2 wheel stunt drive!!!




Got into a accident yesterday... banged onto a car in front... (ps Charlene in the car too) i braked early but my wheels go over the drain cover and my car slipped and skidded..... got the fright of my life... it feels like watching it happen without being able to do anything abt it though i pressed on my brakes real hard... i was thinking... shit!! how am i gonna pay for the damages man.... but the guy in the car din get out and drove off... i could seriously feel the impact man... but luckily nothing happen to both our cars... phew!! scary!!! head down town to meet the 3 of them again to watch Texas Chainsaw... its gross!! too much blood for my liking!!! after that went to play mahjong till 530am... gosh.. i'm tired....

supposed to meet leng at 2pm today but i woke up at 1.30pm.. rush down and reach only at 2.40pm... watched Flushed Away... Thanks for the ticket!!! going back to plaza sing later in the night to watch the Covenant..... shall nap for now... i need my sleep.....

别说爱我

我并没有
那翅膀
只有瘦瘦
的肩膀
他醉倒把泪擦干
关上门窗
天空那么高
我怎么构的到
你曾形容
的天堂
门牌却是
个问号
我闭上眼睡不着
也找不到
你知道快乐
对我有多重要
别说爱我
别再说你爱我
别说想我
因为耳朵是通往心底的
那些不会成真的
听了心痛
别说爱我
别再说你爱我
你没爱过
世上真话不够
梦境太多
如果你是善良的
你会放开手
让我经过
我并没有离开过
却不停的
看你走
勉强握紧的永久
维持不了多久
我不要一个没灵魂的感动
别再说你爱我
别说想我wo~
因为耳朵是通往心底的
那些不会成真的
听了心痛

movie yesterday with Charlene... the man of my life... kinda boring... plot too slow and long winded..... typical french movie... met up with Sheena, Peizhi, Xiu Xiu, Xiaoling and Junjie today for dinner.... nice catching up though i left early... hahaha... O bar on sat!! long time since i club.... gonna enjoy myself! motorshow tmr... must remember to bring my camera!!

and u know what... i can't believe ppl actually SMS the answer... hahaha... i guess the prize is really attractive... LOLX!!

have you ever had to ask for something that belongs to you back? yes i guess.. but have u ask someone else to get the stuff back for you and the person who had ur stuff ask that person to ask u to contact her directly? shouldn't they have the initiative to return ur stuff back to u WITHOUT u asking?? what authority to actually ask u to contact her instead!! the thickness of her skin can't even be measured by miles.... Contact her?? right... firstly, i wun contact her.. secondly, i dun have the no... the only kind of contact would be a punch straight in the face when i have the chance.... hmmm... maybe i should try recalling what the number is... i think its 46224824 (it reads I M A BITCH) and y should i do exactly what a bitch ask for? that's as good as bowing down man... and i dun play childish games like blocking ppl from msn?? its just like 2 primary sch kids saying to each other:"if u fren her, i dun fren u already!!" hahaha... grow up!! oh well... i'll not take the bag back then... i'll just take it as donating the bag to a BEGGER... since the bitch is still jobless i guess... she can use the bag to beg for some money... its big enough....
and yes.. ppl... guess who the bitch is??? SMS the right answer to me now to win attractive prizes!! Top prize: A big pat on the back... its too fucking obvious!!! Ha!! pathetic soul!!

tried out the public challenge for the subaru challenge today... hehehe... kinda fun except that it can get kinda boring... though i only had to stand for 1 and a half hr... lolx...
hmmm... phantom of the opera is coming Singapore next year... anyone interested in catching it??

rise and shine.... had a really good sleep last night.... my face and body is aching from the sunburnt i got yesterday from the 4-a-side hockey carnival... and now i got uneven tan on my body again!!! ahhh!!!!! umpiring was fun especially with the little St. Nics primary sch gers... they are so cute!! u can't stop laughing at the stuff they talked... the night before was helping at the club for the event and i can't believe i slept for only an hour!! my best record i guess.... i can try out for the subaru challenge maybe... hahaha... am suppose to meet Amanda today but that poor ger fell sick... maybe i'll stay home... still feeling tired....

home finally... went to johor with chris, serene, pui pui (hahaha.. ops sorry.. should be jamie) , pauline and steph to pump petrol (though i got nothing much to fill for my car)... had lok lok... ate alittle cos nothing much left to eat... had a car wash too... first time that i get my car vacuum... hahaha... rush home.. and expected my dad called half way... i dun feel the least bit tired.... but i should try to sleep... sigh.......

right.. finally my computer is up and running... just got home from alternative with leo, pf and stephen... was catching 'the departed' earlier at plaza singapura... went for company bowling tournament this morning.... dragged myself out of bed as i slept only at 5plus... thought i would do badly but it turn up otherwise... i got 1st runner up! haha... totally unexpected with scores of 120, 129 and 126 for the 3 games...

here goes the update for my Germany and Paris trip:
13 Oct
head home to pack my bag after work then head to tiong bahru with my family for dinner... been a long time since the whole family went out together... guess thats the advantage of having a car.. =)... we headed to the airport after that... leo came to send me off.. thx bud for the lip balm and chocolates!! i still haven finish them!! hahaha...

14 Oct
reach germany around 10am... before that we had a transit in Paris and me and hui xian was practically running in the airport to catch our plane... as the ticket did not state which terminal and gate to go to and by the time we touch down on paris.. we are only left with half an hour before our flight to germany... we stopped to ask a staff working in the airport to check where do we go do... we are like: excuse me, do u speak english? the guy replied us:"no"... we are like... din u just reply to us in english?? duh!! reached Frankfurt... took a cab to our hotel... checked in and we headed out to take a train to Frankfurt... looked around there... din do too much shopping there though as its too expensive and most of the stuff there are thick winter clothes... got some birkenstocks... head back to our hotel in the evening and then head out for a jog!! hahaha... healthy living... took dinner after that and then called it a day....

15 Oct
woke up in the morning... walked down to the city centre but everywhere is closed except for some cafes... bought an ice cream and took a walk around the park before heading back to our hotel... nothing to do and so we slept our afternoon away... woke up in the evening to go for our welcome gathering with the Merck ppl in the lobby.... mingle around for an hr or 2 before we go back to sleep again!! hahaha.... 16 Oct - 20 Oct got up at 645am everyday (singapore time 1245pm) for breakfast then head to Merck ... took some pictures at the entrance of the company on the first day... i like the Pyramid... we had sandwiches for lunch every single day!! yucks!!! its the same ingredients too.... and i got my menses on the second day i reach Germany!! argh!! headed to the city centre for dinner at a mexican restaurant and aussie bar with colleagues from the other countries on our 2nd and 4th day... of course without fail... we had alcohol... had a german beer, tequilla sunrise and mango margarita... on the 3rd day of the training.. they brought us to Frankenstain Castle... its a place up the hills where there's a chapel and dining place there... its really cold up there... but i din enjoy the food....but i got eye candy!! the trainer looks like Sandra bullock and she's sitting opposite me.. i can't stop looking at her all the time... hahah... left for Paris at 4pm but before that we actually remember the flight time wrongly... we rushed back to the hotel like mad to get to the airport on time thankfully..... reached Paris and we got our maps out to try to figure our way to find our hotel... gosh... all the train stations have got no escalators.... we had to carry our luggage up and down stairs... was perspiring like crazy changing trains... reached the station we are suppose to alight... but we couldn't find our hotel... saw a guy making pizza delivery and we asked him for help... he is so helpful that he rode his bike around to find the place for us as he dunno where the hotel is as well... before our trip here... we are told that the french are not helpful and friendly ppl... got to the hotel... carried the luggage up the narrow spiral staircase... put our stuff down and head out for dinner.. the hotel manager walked us out to a resturant to eat... had chicken stew and a greek beer.... yummy!


left to right: hui xian and me in Frankfurt, Octoberfest, me and my german beer


left to right: Frankenstein alcohol drink, Merck pyramid, lady in green Sandra Bullock look-alike

left to right: my plane to Paris, our room in Paris, the hotel we stayed in

21 Oct
got up at 7am to head out for our tour! first stop: the Lourve Museum to see the Mona Lisa... we both ain museum ppl... so for the sake of going there as it is a must go place... we went in to take some pictures of paintings and sculptures... there are artists drawing inside as well... the place is really huge... took us 3 hrs in there... but we din manage to cover everything.... head towards the Seine River for a walk... went to the Hotel Invalides and some other museums which i can't recall the names.... hahaha... we ate nutella crepe for breakfast, lunch and dinner!!! in the evening... Hui Xian decided we should try to find out where the Louis Vuitton shop is at... we walked round and round the city to try finding it and finally after an hr and a half we got there... bought lotsa stuff there... but well... they are all not for me... busted my credit card.... head back to our hotel at 10pm... ate dessert at the same restuarant the previous night... chatted alittle with the staff there... had difficulty communicating with them... had a good laugh trying to figure out what they are saying... and i had a turkish beer this time... i was so tired from all the steps climbing... Hui xian said i snored in my sleep! hahaha... sorry gal...


left to right: Nalpolein's apartment, artist at work, Lourve Musuem from the outside


paintings and sculptures


left to right: Singapore flag in Paris, me and my crepe, Effiel tower from far

22 Oct
we head to the Catacombs today... where lotsa ppl died while digging for rocks... after which.. we went to Notre Dame... the view up there is beautiful... but we had to climb over 400 steps to get up!!! but its all so worthwhile... To a english pub for lunch after that... this time we had kebab... watched the Man U vs Liverpool game there... there are more ppl supporting Liverpool though.. hahah but nvm... Man U won!! after the game... we walked all the way down to Effiel Tower!! its really nice when u go near it... we din manage to get up the tower as the queue is damn long.... all the attractions have got long queues actually... wanted to get our pictures drawn but its god damn expensive... 30 euros for 1 drawing!!! so we changed our mind... head down to Montparnasse for dinner and it started pouring... the wind is so strong that my umbrella got inverted!!... so we decided to walk in the rain... hahah... i was telling Hui xian.. is it that europe umbrellas are better?? y only mine got inverted???


left to right: Catacombs, Notre Dame, half dead climbing the 400++ steps


views from the top of Notre Dame


left to right: Effiel tower, Hotel de Villa

23 Oct
we woke up later today as we had already covered all the attractions... packed our luggage before heading to the city for some last day shopping... lotsa branded stores there... huixian is so in love with the Longchamps store... she gotten herself 2 bags there... and i got a wallet for myself... its really cheap as compared to Singapore... and u can see many ppl carrying their bags on the streets... even for Ah Ma!! and finally at 7.. we head to the airport... the macdonalds there is a flop man... dirty and messy... on the way to the airport in the train we are so bored that we started taking pictures of each other in funny poses... hahaha... we can't wait to get back... din know i'll miss home.......


left to right: Sonia Rykiel(its still alive), all the stuff i bought (not for me), happy to go home

24th Oct
back in singapore!!! got a call from Cindy the moment i touched down... real surprise especially when she's in australia!! have a good time there k... bring a koala back for me!! my dad and brother came to pick me up... asked my mum to cook soup for me... i miss it!!! then head out to meet Chris and Serene after that.....

thats it... 1 and a half weeks of events.... i'm still trying to adjust back to the timing here... sigh.....

finally i'm back... one and a half weeks past just like that... training in germany was good... paris was nice and relaxing with great sceneries... did alot of thinking while i was there... my final thoughts on some issues and ppl...
well.. to sum it all.. it is just a disappointment to know the true colours of ppl that u know who u once called frens... when things occur whether is it for real or someone's wonderful imagination, all shit comes out of it... for whatever reason that makes them react or behave... god knows which only they themselves can understand or know the real reason behind... but at least its not too late to find out the real person they really.... like everyone says u only need one true fren... everyone else can be passerbyes... for one person who u thought knows u well enough after spending some time with u.. u thought that that person will see whats right and wrong but... no i'm wrong once again abt this person... blind to see and hear... listening only to stories which i god damn know from some assholes who i dunno hear it from where when i dun even fucking talk to that bitch.... its easier pushing the blame to someone i guess... u dun wanna keep in contact and u push the blame to me when u heard stuff from somebody else... what am i suppose to do? write an email to u telling u abt my personal life?? dun pretend u care when u come and goes as u wish... and the last thing i need to do is to believe ur lies that u have forever been telling... white lies are still lies... does that not make u a liar? and its time u stop stamping over my head.. dun expect me to believe u when u say one reason for leaving and the next moment u are with someone else... who r u trying to kid? does that problem not surface with any person?? i've been blind.. but now i'm not anymore... another someone all i can say is naive... believing everything that u hear instantly.. dun tell me that u dun wan to say anything in the case of misinterpretation.... where did that someone that tells u stuff get the information from when i dun even talk to that person? no misinterpretation in that manner? how many times have u blown the cover of that someone u listen and believe in? how logical... believe all u want to when u knows whats happening.... sometimes u just need to sit down and use your brain alittle more... maybe sometimes ppl are good at attacking someone to defend themselves... take it as i'm an asshole or whatever... but whatever that happen is mutual... u know it better.... and lastly of all... i'm not been bias but i got absolutely no respect for this someone... u mentioned that u know the least but it seems like everything comes out from your damn bloody mouth... i got no right to get an explaination from u... neither do u have the right to interfer in the matters when u know nuts abt whats happening... best of all... changing my words to other ppl... well... what can i say?? smart move... cos i have got no evidence against u!! hypocrite! maybe its just sour grapes.... and i dun understand the reason for the comparison being done against me.... u wanna compare... make sure u achieve it man... dun be just blowing ur trumpet when u are empty inside.... i'll be glad to be ur benchmark and happy for u if u achieve it.... and get a fucking job if u got nothing better to do then to think of stuff to bitch abt to others... so do u see the usual ppl asking u out now that i dun hang out with that someone anymore?? figure out y... time for some self reflection man... and stop going on abt ur lies when it has already been exposed....

its no wonder that human only use 2% of their brains cos they dun bother thinking when everything is right in front of them... and its easier to point the fingers at others than to look at themselves in the mirror to see if they did anything wrong.... enough of my 2 cents worth.. whatever the outcome this entry has.. i dun give a shit... my conscious is clear..... stay away from me if i'm such a jerk....

off to bed... got to work tmr... shall update on my visit to Paris and Germany soon...

再见- 张震岳

我怕我没有机会
跟你说一声再见
因为也许(就)再也见不到你
宁愿我要离开
熟悉的地方的你
要分离
我眼泪就掉下去
我会牢牢记住你的脸
我会珍惜你给的思恋
这些日子在我心中永远都不会抹去
我不能答应你
我时候会再回来
不回头不回头
的走下去

din sleep the whole night... talked to Jack since 4am till 7am... thanks bro for being there.... thx for the morning call too... its funny how we can talk when we have never chatted on the phone before... its ironic how some ppl can be there for u when u least expect them to be the one... even like ppl u have not met for a few years can actually be the one with u in times of need... its ppl that u are close to that disappoints... u dunno who u can trust anymore... of course there are ppl who i know i can't trust anymore...i totally believe in karma... i got mine and i can't wait to see it befalling on u %^&*#...

yes.. u are right... i guess i've changed....
i dunno who i am anymore...
all that have happened force me to....
no longer the person that thinks of others before myself...
no longer the person who defends others even if they are wrong...
no longer the person who shuts up when taken advantage of...
i need to be selfish...
ruthless sometimes... i just learn that i have to...
even if it means sucking the blood of ur own frens...
i need to learn how to lie....
lieing for the sake of others will not happen again...
it seems that liars always get the upper hand...
i hate liars to the core...
but i guess its time to join them in this vicious circle.....
survivor of the fittest........

one after another.....
heartbreak time and again...
is this some kind of joke?
when will this end??
i tried to leave... but time and again...
i stopped.... i waited... hoping...
every single time... i fall big time...
every time i'm going away... this happens...
i dunno whether to laugh or cry when u break the news to me...
a favour from me... right... i do anything u ask me to
call me stupid... dumb... whatever...
maybe i just am... knowing its impossible to have another chance with u...
but y am i still doing this?
i dunno... maybe i have been avoiding the feelings deep in me...
u dunno how i feel abt u...
now i'm telling u....
i have been waiting for u...
i still love u goddamn much!!
u are still the girl i care and worry for most....
u are the one i wanna be with....
i tried every way to forget abt u... even if it means hurting someone else
but nothing works!!
i know i'm a nobody to u...
i wun mess ur life...
call me 2 faced if u wan... but at least i know what i am doing....
who will tell ppl u dun trust the truth??
only true frens knows...
even the blind can see and judge...
i'm not despicable like others...
choose to believe what u want to...

Marina square today with Jolyn... wanted to do some shopping but nothing caught my eye... head down to Tampines to look for Chris and Serene at their new store as we wanna eat chicken wings... down to Plaza Singapura after that to play arcade and walked around aimlessly... waited for Leo and Steph to come... Glad that they came... Jolyn left early and the 3 of us headed down to Ice Cold Beer for some chilled beer and juicy chicken wings... yes... 2nd time eating chicken wings in a day... left early to look for Chris, Serene and Pui Pui for mahjong... fun... been a long time since i played with them... missed those days...

5 days to Germany... i'm looking forward to it but on the other hand i dun feel like going... Oh ya... for the birkenstocks.. its around 70 bucks per pair k...

最后一首歌 - 李玖哲

不能再看着你入睡
不能再给你安慰
不能再为你送咖啡
不能再当你的谁
但挂念是改不了的
不只你舍不得
如果只要一种快乐
你有他就够了
回憾我会收藏着
这是为你唱的
最后一首歌
感动我也会留着
不能再拥抱或斗嘴
不能随时有你陪
不能再帮你盖棉被
不能亲密叫宝贝
如果需要一种快乐
回忆我会收藏着
每个音符都爱的深刻
是你的是我的
我不是你故事的角色

so glad that my seminar went well yesterday.. no cock ups... and finally its over!!! lotsa hair pulling moments leading up to the seminar... and being the one in charge, i'll get the shit if anything goes wrong... but then i can't complain... i dun want to be known as a backstabber... kept quiet and cover up when my boss asked me abt it... got to thank a few ppl for working so hard and supporting me to make this a successful one... and in my life for the first time, i got to make a couple of speeches during the seminar... hahah... not prepared... could have done better... being me... i just get through the speeches as quickly as possible... but at least i din erm.. ah... orh.. on stage... keke.. but i'm a lousy prize presenter... dunno how to creat the tense moment... and at the end of the seminar.. one customer walked up to me and said:" u sounded so sweet on stage but ur voice dun compliment ur outgoing looks." LOLX!!! i'm like..."ya"... what can i say man?? hahaha... and Hui xian laugh at the comments made... idiot!!!
went for coffee with the team before meeting up with Jing, Lynn, Pf and Leo for dinner... head down to Club 95 to meet Joey after that... had a calligraphy done... ate yam there... chatted with ppl i dunno... that place felt kinda homely... hahaha... send Joey home after that before i knocked out when i got home...
slept till 3pm today... went out to meet leo and pf at bugis... rode my blackie out since my dad wants to borrow my marchie... ate grilled chicken wings fried rice and drank bubble tea... Yummy!! i miss the fried rice for a long time... head to Sim Lim to shop for Leo's notebook cooler and mouse... walked till my leg ached man...bought myself an Adidas singlet... catched World Trade Centre and then head down to Este to meet Chris, Serene, Pui Pui and a couple of their frens...
memories flood back once again when i stepped into Sim Lim... y is it that i can remember every single detail so clearly with u? even the weather,the place and things we did on that day.. leo got her mouse at the exact shop u bought the monitor for me... the price went down.. its 299 now instead of the 360 u paid.. i'm missing u more than ever before i realise... sigh... i wish we could be like before.... is it possible???

picked Steph up from her workplace after work.. send her and her colleagues to Queenstown.. went to Cheryl's place to pick up pineapple tarts for my colleagues... been such a long time i see or rather hear her voice... feels great seeing her again... miss the times we had together... she drove my little Marchie around her carpark.. its a really scary ride!!! and she smoke in my car!!!! whatever... its her.. what can i say?? went down to Fisherman's Wharf for fish & chips before heading down to BaaBlaBlachic... she came along too... met Emily, Amy and Jolyn there... kinda boring there but the music at level 1 was better... but me and Steph decided to leave early... head down to Vanessa's pub for a drink... Steph got to meet her fren after that and so i drove down to meet my dad to pass him my car and i took the bike home... seminar tmr... yet to write and prepare my opening speech... sigh...

I miss u... do u even feel the same?? when can i see u again??

痴心绝对 - 李圣杰

想用一杯latte把你灌醉
好让你能多爱我一点
暗恋的滋味你不懂这种感觉
早有人陪的你永远不会
看见你和他在我面前
证明我的爱只是愚昧
你不懂我的那些憔悴
是你永远不曾过的体会
为你付出那种伤心你永远不了解
我又何苦勉强自己爱上你的一切
你又狠狠逼退我的防备
静静关上门来默数我的泪
明知道让你离开他的世界不可能会
我还傻傻等到奇迹出现的那一天
直到那一天你会发现
真正爱你的人独自守着伤悲
看见你和他在我面前
证明我的爱只是愚昧
你不懂我的那些憔悴
是你永远不曾过的体会
明知道让你离开他的世界不可能会
我还傻傻等到奇迹出现的那一天
直到那一天你会发现
真正爱你的人独自守着伤悲
曾经我以为我自己会后悔
不想爱得太多痴心绝对
为你落第一滴泪
为你作任何改变
也唤不回你对我的坚决
为你付出那种伤心你永远不了解
我又何苦勉强自己爱上你的一切
你又狠狠逼退我的防备
静静关上门来默数我的泪
明知道让你离开他的世界不可能会
我还傻傻等到奇迹出现的那一天
直到那一天你会发现
真正爱你的人独自守着伤悲
直到那一天你会发现
真正爱你的人独自守着伤悲

pool with Jolyn and Emily yesterday and then down to Tampines to find Chris and Serene as Emily got craving for chicken wings.. met Steph, pf and leo for steamboat earlier.. Thx bud for the treat! had dessert after that before heading home.. i'm still so freaking full now... and i put on weight!! must reduce le... ahhh!!!

finally i'm home.. tired... went for supper with chris, serene and charlene at Spize... headed down to Mustafa after that as Serene wanna buy her socket...shop for awhile then send charlene home...

peeps... i'm leaving for Germany next Friday night... any orders for stuff to be bought... please give me asap... and of course most importantly... $$$$!!! hahaha.. anyway, i've got the catalogue for the birkenstocks available in the mini town i'm going to... no papillio series... whatever u called that.. i dunno how to spell...

只说给你听

昨夜忽然梦见你
久违了的幸福近得让人哭泣
伸手醒在黑夜里
除了眼泪只听见窗外的雨
我应该庆幸此生曾经遇见你
曾经爱过你然后用岁月来惦记
我爱你自你离我远去
这句话也变成了秘密
在无数梦里我爱你
重复说给你听
就像那夜的你安静的
温柔的依恋的在我怀里让我轻抚着你
只说给你一个人听
当时害怕失去你
何时何地都想伸手握住你
直到今天每一次想到我和你
不再有任何交集就有说不出委屈
也许今生我就是为了能够遇见你
能够爱你我学着用时间来回忆你不会哭泣
说给你听
有人形容生命像一路一站又一站漫长的旅行
后来总是想念途中那段最美风景

went down to padang to catch the scc 6's today... nice matches.. humid weather... glad to see mat noor there... headed down to town to meet steph, pf and leo after that... played pool.. munched at mos.. then down to ice cold beer... chicken wings, beer, smoke makes the best combination... the chicken wings are great!! juicy!!! a thing that i can never miss when i'm drinking... hahaha... plus watching soccer... Man U won!!! top of the table once again!!! YooHOOOO!!! got to ride my bike to work tmr... my poor knees are gonna suffer... if only i can wear bermudas to work... dinner with tiffy tmr... lotsa free time now... time to meet up with ppl i have neglected...

Happy Birthday.. Emily!

我还在等你

最喜欢带着你开着车一起看风景
背对背靠着你吹着风看水中倒影
你爱听的歌曲我每天不断的在听
只是想寻找你的痕迹
我还在这里等你
没忘记我们的约定
要一起去旅行
走遍世界各地
留下我们的足迹
梦中的爱情多美丽
你是不是已经忘记
要一起摘星星
闭上眼转过头去
才发现失去你
想找个人告诉你
我真的很想你

another bad day to begin with yesterday.. my dad told me he dose off when he's driving and bang my car onto the wall on the expressway... heart sunk when i went down to get my car for work... big patches of paint gone.. dents... wheel alignment off... @#$$%!! sigh.. but glad that he's fine... ran out of catalogues and had to turn back to office before going for my appointment... went for lunch and bought ban mian... but damn it... the noodle is spoilt!! it tastes sour.. took a mouthful and i threw everything away... went to pick leo in the evening before heading for my game... Thx bud.. sorry that u got bored... hahaha... feels good running after such a long time and sweating it out... luckily din get cramps... scrap both my knees while trying to duck the ball from going into the goal but nonetheless.. it hit my head still... Ouch!!! bud bought me drink and chocolate... and she has to feed me while driving to pick jac up... haaha.. after that 3 of us went down Cine for food... ok.. i'm the only one eating... my first meal of the day at 12am... couldn't finish eat though... managed to finish only half of it... send both of them home after that.... really really tired... i was telling myself while driving that i cannot dose off like my dad.... how bad can my day gets? whats gonna happen today??? sigh... my dad send the car for repair today... damage was more serious than expected... got to change all the suspensions and stuff... gonna cost a bomb... estimated cost $1600..... my ill-fated Marchie... hope today will turn out better... but i doubt so... i have problems going to the toilet with my knees not being able to bend and my house toilet is the squatting kind.... ahhhh!!!!!!!!

physically and mentally tired... but i just can't get to sleep when i slept only around 3 hrs yesterday... nearly got myself killed twice last night... guess i wasn't concentrating on the first one... it was red light but i thought i saw green... so i turn... another one was my fault... was smsing away... nearly crashed into the wall in the tunnel but luckily managed to turn back in time... actually swerved from the centre to the side lane.... hai.. thank god i'm still in 1 piece...
couldn't concentrate at work today... woke up late for my appointment.. left office early too.. the client i met today was... erm... cute... head down town to meet cynthia for dinner... been 3 years since i saw her.. glad to finally have catch up after postponing so many times for the past weeks... chris called and she joined us... cynthia left after dinner... me and chris head down to Cine to catch "Stay Alive"... lotsa thrills in the show though the plot was dumb.. some scenes are funny... the girls behind keep screaming... lol... head down to Mr Bean for coffee after that... had a good chat... guess we share the views on most matters... send her home after that.......

s.h.e-我们怎么了

落泪以前再看一眼
你模糊侧脸
这会不会是最后纪念
我凝视你而你凝视
窗外的阴天
一句抱歉都僵在嘴边
我搞不懂
我们到底怎么了
诚实的背后
是否住着伤口
我想不透
我们的爱怎么了
雨下过以后
是否
能让什么
复活
你的笑脸还在胸前
晃动着昨天
为何回忆会让人晕血
如果我们继续向前走进雨里面
会不会有溶解的危险
我搞不懂
我们到底怎么了
诚实的背后
是否住着伤口
我想不透
我们的爱怎么了
雨下过以后
是否
能让什么复活
明明从前
连真挚都很甜美
现在怎会
说句话就能肿一边
我搞不懂
我们到底怎么了
诚实的背后
是否住着伤口
我想不透
我们的爱怎么了
雨下过以后
是否
能让什么
复活

best day of my life...

fuck up... now my dad tells me he never says that he will pay for the bike instalment... he says he will only help if i can't pay.... scold me for going out all the time... saying i should be able to pay with my current pay... i'm earning 2000++ not 20000++!!!!! even if i wanna sell the bike off now... i can't... i got to top up another 1000 bucks to sell it off!!! fucker.... u are in debts so am i.... u get ur money from loansharks... i get my money from betting... we are equal... dun scold me when u are no better... stop all ur visits to your nightclubs man.... i apply a credit card for u not to visit prostitutes... and stop spending on ur damn mistress... fucking bitch... and i have to cover up for u when mum sees the damn bill!! u think she's stupid??? u say that u wish u had money so that mum can go for operation on her leg.. then stop visiting all the nightclubs!!! save that few hundred dollars per month!!! i wish i could have the money to pay for the operation... it hurts me seeing her limping around the house... but i dun have any spare money at all!! u have!!! since when u see that i buy things for myself anymore?? i dun even have the money to repair my broken glasses... she shows me tons of things that she dig from ur damn cupboard... and i have to pretend i dunno what it is.... i dun wanna lie!!!!!!! and i dun wanna cover ur fucking lies!!! what do u want me to say when she shows me pictures of woman taken with u?? how do u want me to react when i see photos of naked woman in ur handphone??? what am i suppose to say when mum cries in front of me?? u complained that i'm never home... what abt u?? when have u ever been home?? there's nothing in the house.... stay at home for what fuck sake?? i stay at home.. mum scream at me when that little rascal misbehaves... i'm going crazy!!! i feel like dying.... i dun like to be in the middle.... u say u will run away if ur debts get heavier... y dun u just go?? no one needs u at home... i treat this place as a hotel just like u do... i throw my tantrums when i dun get what i want... i learn all these from u... so dun come scolding me... u make me what i am today... from ur genes... luckily i'm gay... if not there will be another fucker in this world... i hate u... mum.. i'm sorry...

Home... went dinner with Xiu and Cookie at ABC market... head town for pool after that.. won a can of coke from Cookie.. hahaha... xie xie!! got a shock when i went to collect my car... big pools of bird shit all over my poor Marchie!!! wet, fresh ones over 10 pools!!! aahhh!! the sight drove me nuts... i just fucking wash my car yesterday!! and its littered with poo in less than a day time... was practically cursing in my car throughout the ride to find a car wash station... the sight of that shit on my front mirror makes me wanna puke so much while driving... Gross!!! poor guy who wash the car... guess he dunno whether to laugh anot... sigh... glad she's clean now... but the shitty image is stuck in my head... yuck!!!

25th Sep
last year
plaza sing
movie
camera
sentosa
this year
plaza sing
movie
but u are nowhere near

lunch with jolyn and mum at yishun
head down to kim seng to bowl
won a jug of beer and 2 ice cream
went town to meet emily, steph, leo and jac
played pool
lost my jug of beer but won another ice cream
head down chinatown to eat porridge
down to alternative but its not open
went CnC instead
drank till everyone was high
pooled there again
went to Mr bean for drink and pizza
dropped everyone at Far East
Home Sweet Home

Cheryl, Happy 21st Birthday..

had dinner with the gang last night.. headed to C.A.N cafe after which for a chat... had a really great time laughing till my stomach hurts... went down to Club 95 with mate, ah boy and steph for supper and drinks before i head home first..
rot at home today.. Jolyn came over in the afternoon... went for dinner at ABC market (lotsa nice food there... gonna go there again soon) before sending her off to work... went to Jing-er's place for apple crumble, sprite and soccer... leo and pf came too... sorry bud... broke my promise... but i really need to recoup my losses to pay my debts... could have have win more if not for stupid man u drawing their game!! winnings drop from 260 to 160.. sigh... went down cine to collect my supper from Jolyn before heading home... thx ger!! its too much food.. i can't finish it....
some thoughts in me... y must ppl be so hostile sometimes when all u did was just send a greeting?? when u did nothing to offend them?? either way whether u tell them face to face, over the phone or an email.. the reception u get is just crap.. wat did u do to deserve all thesE?? maybe both belong to different classes/status... is it that the best way is just to keep away forever?? i truly believe so now... advises should be heed... outsiders see things best...
tears shouldn't continue flowing every night before bedtime...

我要快乐

又被爱伤了一遍
无所谓当作成长
刚刚走开的人
烟还点着味道却淡了
我并不是天生爱寂寞
却比任何人都多
就算把世界给我
我还是一无所有
我要快乐我要能睡的安稳
有些人不抱了才温暖
离开了才不恨我早应该割舍
我要快乐哪怕笑的再大声
心不是热的全都是假的
只有眼泪是真的
把从前想了一遍
谢谢了伤我的人
想做乐观的人
每种雨声听了都不冷
我并不是天生爱寂寞
却比任何人都多
就算把世界给我
我还是一无所有
我要快乐我要能睡的安稳
有些人不抱了才温暖
离开了才不恨我早应该割舍
我要快乐哪怕笑的再大声
心不是热的全都是假的
我的决定是对的

went to visit a customer place today... like those typical Japanese company... got to change into their indoor shoes before stepping into their premises... but their shoes are different from the other Japanese companies.. they had ladies and man shoes... i stood there pondering which one i should wear... hahaha... the men's ones are slip ons.. the ladies are slippers... i took the ladies one first then put it back.. take the mens one.. take a look and put it back again.. then finally.. decided i should just wear the ladies one.... haha... after putting it on.. i was like trying not to laugh at myself... gosh!! imagine pink slippers with socks!!! faints..... hahaha... should have taken a picture of it... keke...
headed to wala wala for dinner with my colleagues after work (Hui Xian, Jasper & Vivian).. ordered pizza and chicken wings.... each of us had a beer each... its 1 for 1... me & Jasper had Kwek.. Hui Xian and Vivian had Moosehead... Kwek was nice but kinda strong... by the time i finish the bottle.. my whole face was already red and feeling high... couldn't finish our pizza.. so we played 5-10 to clear it.. guess Jasper had the most... Hui Xian ordered another bottle of Asahi.. and we continued playing... by the time.. we finished.. we are all high and stoned... headed home on separate ways... got home around 9 plus... knocked out.. just got up and here i am... my head is still spinning.. my nose is blocked! out to meet chris and serene now... ciao!

day off today... headed to the zoo with Jolyn... had a great time there watching animal shows, feeding the baboos, kangeroos, donkeys.. the zoo changed quite alot in the layout since 1 year back that i went.. the animals are also smaller in groups... jolyn got a shock when she was looking at this animal when a kid came from behind and started talking.. she jumped up thinking it was some animal behind her... Lolx!! the expression is so funny!! walked from 10.30am to 4.30pm.. bumped into Kartini on the way out of the zoo at cheers... what a surprise to see her there of all places!! Kat.. meet up soon ok?? headed for dinner at Woodlands with her mum before the both of us went to catch a movie, Gigolas Wannabe... quite a lame show.. not worth catching.. bumped into her frens there... went for a spin to the jetty opposite Johor... sent her frens off then we head for supper at Chong Pang Nasi Lemak after which went to Orchid Country Club for supper and finally... home sweet home... dead beat now but everything was worthwhile! early day tmr.. my bed is calling me....

I just love this song so much...

Christian Bautista - The Way You Look At Me

No one ever saw me like you do
All the things that I could add up too
I never knew just what a smile was worth
But your eyes see everything
Without a single word

[Chorus]
Cause there's something in the way you look at me
It's as if my heart knows
You're the missing piece
You make me believe that there's nothin'in this world I can't be
I never know what you see but
there's somethin' in the way you look at me

I could freeze a moment in my mind
It'll be the second that you
Touch your lips to mine
I'd like to stop the clock
Make time stands still
Cause baby this is just the way
I always wanna feel

[Chorus]
I don't know who you are
I feel different in your eyes
All I know is it happens every time

[Chorus]
The way you look at me

went to liquid kitchen to drink with Hui Xian last night... the drinks there kinda sucks... bleah... though its cheaper... headed to woodlands to look for Jolyn for pool after that... on the way there.. saw another accident... a minor one i guess.. the motorist was lying on the floor... played pool for awhile then headed to Seletar Reservoir as i think both of us are not in a good mood... bumped into Emily there... and 3 of us headed to Jalan Kayu for supper... been a long time i passed by that stretch of road... sent both of them home after that.... been feeling tired easily recently... where did all my energy go to??? on leave tmr... shall have a good time.......

还是会想他

在夜里失眠
在白天沉睡
摆脱回忆跟随
你给我安慰
为我擦干眼泪
不问为何伤悲
哦我问我自己
心中还藏着谁
你越温柔我就越后悔
我还是会想他
想听他笑我傻
虽然此刻心里充满挣扎
还会心乱如麻
我承认我还没忘了他
我问我自己
你有他的单纯
也有他的复杂
你的一切让我觉得像他
而我只能装傻
至少你的拥抱很像他
还会想他他笑我傻
充满挣扎
心乱如麻

went zouk on thursday with steph, jolynn, leo and pf... din really enjoyed myself... lousy music and crowd though the band was good.. left for supper at chinatown with steph and jolynn at 1am... on the way there... saw an accident.. an old man was lying in the middle of the road... gives me the shivers when i saw it... hope he's fine... i was so tired that i got no energy to eat.. luckily its just porridge.. no need to bite... hahah...
friday... meet ting, ah boy, steph, leo and pf for dinner... ate at the turkish restaurant at far east... food was all right just that maybe its not value for money?? hahaha... fried egg cost $2.50.. mate next time i fry for u k... hahaha... went to catch a midnight movie , Imagine me and you... Jolyn came along... nice show... simple but beautiful story...
saturday... Ai suddenly msg to ask to go suntan at Sentosa... but apparently, the sun went down by the time we reach there.. hahaha... feels kinda weird tanning with her since this is the 1st time we go out alone... and we only talk 2, 3 times before... she got me a cheeseburger but i forgot abt it.. and it got squashed in my bag... hahaha.. but still i ate it though.. she companied me down to padang to catch the hockey match.. well.. we lost 2-1... lousy goals... stupid umpiring... head down town to meet Jolyn.. shop abit... had dinner... watched soccer... lost money again..Everton draw... i need to survive!! send her home... knocked out when i got back...
dreamt of her.... woke me up from my sleep... ruined my day... sigh...

Just got home... tired.. having gastric... back to drinking and smoking again after stopping for a week plus... sigh.... added another chipmunk to my collection... but the first one still looks better... my dad added some displays in my car... sucks.. shall replace them soon... no mood to blog.. thats all for today.. night..

不作你的朋友 - S.H.E

慢慢失忆
所有和你的事情必须忘记
爱的盆地
深怕在一滴眼泪就会决堤
我也不想被你肯定
在这个时候说我
让你感动过别
握住我的手
说我一定会懂
作不成的爱人
变成最好朋友
别牵著我的手
想著别人脸孔
换个方式牵手
并不会更好过
可不可以不作你的朋友
慢慢心痛
没有人发现我和从前不同
你的眼中
看得见另一个人给的感动
我也不要你心疼我
在这个时候对我
比从前温柔
应该放晴的天气
还下雨别这样下去
我难过但是说不出口
一直逃避我以为闭上眼睛就能忘记
我的记忆开始在雨天的七月二十三
慢慢经过我们一起绕过的十字街头
怎么走都走不到尽头
可不可以别回头
可不可以就放手
可不可以不作你的朋友

took leave on friday... went to sentosa with ting and steph for a sun tanning session... leo was supposed to come along but back out at the last min due to tummy problem.. was great to have a short time off like once awhile.. kinda relaxing... though i din get really tanned... started raining half way through and i fell asleep for one and a half hours... guess i was really too tired but i can't remember what i did on thurs... i din even know when the rain stopped... hahaha... head home after that before meeting Jolyn and Steph and her frens to Double O... bumped into Shander there and instead of hanging out with Steph, we joined her and her fren instead... hopped between Double O and O bar... hoping to get better music.. but O bar was unbearable.. the aircon broke down...

Saturday... wake up and drive my brother out to catch Monster House... had popcorn for lunch.. then drove him home before heading down town to meet cookie and nurdee... was supposed to meet Tian Yi but he is at a chalet and can only meet me at 11pm... still say wanna bring me go eat dim sum... #$%^!! took some funny pics and i can't believe that i actually put on that obiang wig... i swear i wouldn't have done it in the past... hahahaah...

went to pick Farah up and headed to Spize for dinner.. Khari came shortly... after that they head to my house... was suppose to watch soccer but all ended in my room watching youtube... they left around 12.15am... decided the night is still young... so head out again to meet Jolyn for bowling... din had a good session... only manage to score only 100 once...

Slept till 2 plus today... had lunch and went back to sleep... woke up at 6 and drove my dad out for a spin before going to meet Leo, Steph and Peifen... my menses is killing me... damn heavy flow!!! should go sleep now... ZZZ....

3 days old.. and my little march got scratched.. a fucking bad scratch that even a blind man can see from far ... sigh.. just sucks thoroughly... maybe its just me... everything is not going my way... all this burden is killing me... after getting the car.. now my dad told me i got to carry on paying for the bike... where the hell am i going to find the money to pay for it?? i still need to save for my road tax and insurance for the car for goodness sake... thanks alot man... stop nagging me to save... i would if i am able to... i wouldn't have gotten the car if u told me i got to carry on the bike instalment... i wouldn't even have take up driving lessons if not for certain reason... i have never enjoyed driving... i think i would die faster driving a car than riding a bike... i rather fly in the air rather than get trapped in metal before i die...

1 more month to go before i finish the instalment for the camera... never gonna do this again... never...14 more months before the contract for the phone line ends... 21 more months for the bike... 10 years for the car... others enjoyed at the expense of my misery!! its all money... can one not survive without money?? maybe its true... being poor is pathetic... but what can i do abt it? its my life... just suffer in silence....

我可以忍受- 徐婕儿

我可以忍受你不够爱我
我可以忍受你遥远的梦
就算是变化挖空我
至少你还在乎我的感受
我可以忍受眼神的空洞
我可以忍受你时间不够用
却不能忍受做了那么多
使她拥有我该得到的温柔
(使她拥有我没看过的笑容)
爱着你
是我改不了也不愿改的习惯
要放开哪有那么简单
了解你
是我说不出也不承认的悲哀
包容你
是我体谅的爱也当作应该
不要说对不起
原来你要的不是我
不要说谢谢你
什么你永远在我心中
can u tell me why
这样的我-你也曾爱过
不是么……

i just collected my car!! my Marchie!! long awaited baby... Hui Xian companied me to collect it cos i'm too scare to drive it home alone... Gave her a small treat at Tiong Bahru after that... She can sense that I'm not too confident driving it... Haha... so dun ask me for a ride for the time being... i CMI!!!

Oct trip to Germany is confirmed... applied for leave too on the 22nd so its a long weekend... planning to go visit Venice and London after the training ends in Germany... already check out the plane tickets to the 2 locations from Germany.. air fare is around $300... got to check out the hotels... guess i need around 1K to fulfill the trip... too short a period to save up this amount with debts mounting sky high for my car downpayment, soccer debts, phone bills... gosh! and Hui Xian says she will lend me the money for the trip first... sigh... when will i ever be able to clear all man? amount is around 5K in total... but what the heck i can't be bothered.. i really need a holiday... this place is irking me out... especially the ppl around... so hypocritical saying 1 thing to somebody and another to someone else (how dumb when everybody knows each other??)... pathetic always trying to gain sympathy and also pretending that its everyone else fault but theirs... imaginative when things around dun even exist (a pity to not be a movie director.. a waste of talent)... and lastly a big big liar (well.. i guess they got to cover their own ass.. can't blame them i suppose)... guess i'm in a bitchy mood tonight but i'm not alone sharing the thoughts.. others feel the same way... this shows i'm not the one with the problem... so fuck it if they happen to read it... i dun give a shit... it doesn't pay to be kind anyway... its a survival world out here... to hell with others... Fuck off!!

无能为力

电话里你说你始终无法成眠
过去的点点滴滴总是浮现在眼前
当这段感情已成为过眼云烟
你还是无法说服自己接受这一切

当彼此都清楚已经无力挽回
总要有人鼓起勇气开口说再见
这一路走来我们都觉得好累
也许真的应该停下来好好歇一回
你怪我无情也好负心也好
骂我也好打我也好
至少我让你难过得心安理得就好
对于你的心情我真的无能为力
因为我还没有决定要怎么安顿我自己
对于你的处境我真的无能为力
我想没有人会相信其实我比你更伤心

let me do abit of update.. went for a movie, Love Wrecked, with Jing on sat before meeting the rest to catch ting's play.. mate.. great job.. enjoyed it totally... laughed till i teared.. headed down to esplandae for supper before going to alternative for a drink.. went down to the Nissan showroom on sun to sign my documents before meeting Jolyn, Nicole and her frens for cycling/blading at East Coast Park... fun... shall do it again some time soon... after which went to Century Square to catch 'Snakes On A Plane' with Chris and Serene and then KTV in town... i'm dead beat... sleeping at 6am on fri, 5am on sat and 4am on sun and now i'm still awake... i'm falling sick soon... feeling feverish and i have been sneezing for the past 3 days... BBQ at downtown east tmr... please let me fall sick after tmr...

oh ya... heard the funniest thing just now... a woman went into Mac and ordered ZA CAI FAN... Lolx... pengz...

long day today.. just got home from geylang.. rush down to marina square to watch "The Break Up" with xiu, peizhi and leng after work... great show... gives me some thoughts after watching it though i was enduring my emotions at some parts of the show... i guess i gave my all for the relationship and there is nothing more that i can provide anymore... its time to let go...nothing for me to hold on anymore... i'm really sick of the kind of life i have been living for the past 3 months... nothing i have done has really made me happy... 我要找回我自己。不要在被玩弄。不會在對你留戀。

headed down bukit timah to look for the group for supper... so damn full!! after which to starbucks at liat tower... before going to mustafa centre (my virgin trip there) and lastly geylang for soya bean... took lotsa photos!! Pau... gonna miss u man!! hopefully can see u again before u leave...







i dunno how to align the photos so person on the right is always cut off... unfortunately, that person always turns out to be farah... hahaha!! sorry!!

Mione called me today!! My COE is successful and my car is here!! should be able to get my Marchie by mid Sep... Yippie!! i can't wait... but that also means that will be the start of my nightmare... no more eating good food.. lesser drinks and smoke... in summary... no more fun... slog slog slog... sell my life to Merck...

i'm losing my mind....
losing control of myself....
everything is messed up....
dunno who i am anymore...
i dun like the kind of life i'm living at the moment...
can someone take me away from this dark hole....
i need help...
argh.........

just got home... down lotsa chivas and beer tonight... finally get to see him... the moment i dread coming true staring right before my eyes... the moment i have been avoiding all these while... that instant felt like someone ripping my heart out... i felt like screaming... held back my emotions till now when i can finally pour it out... more drinks for the weekend ahead..... drown me......

been an emotional past 2 days.... all that's left between me and her is just by a phone line... and my phone just died on me... it just refuses to be switched on.... maybe its a sign telling me something?? it might come at a good time too... i'll be uncontactable.. guess its time for a break... time to reflect... a longer reflection time if the phone is beyond repair.... i wun consider getting a new one or rather i dun have the ability to.... so goodbye for now...

just got home... great fun last night... sort some thoughts out on my way home... things are much clearer now or rather it has always been there but i din or choose not to notice .. guess i'm going back to sleep so i'll skip the details.... Zzzzz....

went for blood donation after work today with hui xian... but my iron level failed me!!! 11.8mg/l... passing mark 12mg/l... sob sob... was anticipating to donate my first pack of blood... but.. sigh.. just that 0.2mg/l... y must be so stingy??? but i was glad that mine failed... cos hui xian failed hers too... wahahahah... i dun wanna donate alone on my first time... oh well... at least i donated 1 drop of blood to the rubbish bin when checking for my iron level... consolation... yeah! ding dong.. lack of sleep... zzzzz.......

went to visit Jasper in the hospital yesterday... get well soon buddy.. see u in the office on Thurs.. been a bad bad week... is been backstabbed and lies part and parcel of life?? y can't ppl just be honest with each other?? is it that hard?? u did it once and u did it again... though its nothing compared to the first time.. its still a disappointment... and u did the ultimate by calling someone u dun even contact... i salute u.. u won the battle... u screw everything up for me knowing the importance it carries to me.. for now get out of my life... step on me ever again i'll definately bash u up till there's no tomorrow... fucking bitch!! what u have left now is ur own doing... pathetic soul...

back from home from chinatown... din eat as i'm super duper full from dinner... had a good time chatting... been a long time since i hang around with cookie and the rest (lazy to name everyone and i think only cookie reads my blog.. so put her name better... hahaha)... great catching up after hanging around with the same ppl all the time.. its time to mingle again! went to catch the Fast & Furious with Farah after dinner as we both decided its too early to go home on the ride back... hahaha...
Cookie... dun be sad k.. i think u did a great job... much better than the other keeper... keep going! Give me my 3 shots soon k... hahaha...
off to bed... tired... delta again tmr... hopefully can wake up early to wash my bike... having a headache... argh!

your presence and words never failed to settle me..
tears, pain, hurt
i need to stop bothering
i need to stop caring
i need to stop thinking about you
i have to and i MUST.....
no matter what it takes... even if i have to hurt myself real deep
(not as if the pain is not deep enough)
i will do it.... draw a deep clear line.....
if only memories can be remove...
14th July'05 to 24th May'06 shall never exist in my life again..

解脱 - 李玖哲

爱永远都是难题
失去分寸太容易
谁都是凡人不够小心翼翼
有时候忘了珍惜
伤害来的太无意
有时爱太急需要空间呼吸
争吵愈狠痛愈深刻
然后不断自责
我们都忘了最初的快乐
拥抱越紧痛愈深刻
谁不会舍不得
现在我给的或许并不是你要的
如果分离是唯一的解脱最后的话我来说
如果永远你不必再难过遗憾让我来过
就算过去的回忆太脆弱连未来也没有我
爱着你仍是我的执着
让你哭泣对不起为了爱承受委屈
说过的承诺其实还没忘记
愈是在乎的关系愈是相处不容易
伤害了你我也失去勇气
争吵愈狠痛愈深刻然后不断自责
我们都忘了最初的快乐
拥抱越紧痛愈深刻
谁不会舍不得
现在我给的或许并不是你要的
如果分离是唯一的解脱最后的话我来说
如果永远你不必再难过遗憾让我来过
就算过去的回忆太脆弱连未来也没有我
爱着你仍是我的执着
走到感情关键时候却握不住你的手
还能有什么藉口让爱再回头
多少的爱说不出口
就让时间帮我说话我一个人拼命挣扎
总比两个人一起难过还好吧
如果分离是唯一的解脱最后的话我来说
如果永远你不必再难过遗憾让我来过
就算过去的回忆太脆弱连未来也没有我
爱着你仍是我的执着
爱着你唯一的解脱