another bad day to begin with yesterday.. my dad told me he dose off when he's driving and bang my car onto the wall on the expressway... heart sunk when i went down to get my car for work... big patches of paint gone.. dents... wheel alignment off... @#$$%!! sigh.. but glad that he's fine... ran out of catalogues and had to turn back to office before going for my appointment... went for lunch and bought ban mian... but damn it... the noodle is spoilt!! it tastes sour.. took a mouthful and i threw everything away... went to pick leo in the evening before heading for my game... Thx bud.. sorry that u got bored... hahaha... feels good running after such a long time and sweating it out... luckily din get cramps... scrap both my knees while trying to duck the ball from going into the goal but nonetheless.. it hit my head still... Ouch!!! bud bought me drink and chocolate... and she has to feed me while driving to pick jac up... haaha.. after that 3 of us went down Cine for food... ok.. i'm the only one eating... my first meal of the day at 12am... couldn't finish eat though... managed to finish only half of it... send both of them home after that.... really really tired... i was telling myself while driving that i cannot dose off like my dad.... how bad can my day gets? whats gonna happen today??? sigh... my dad send the car for repair today... damage was more serious than expected... got to change all the suspensions and stuff... gonna cost a bomb... estimated cost $1600..... my ill-fated Marchie... hope today will turn out better... but i doubt so... i have problems going to the toilet with my knees not being able to bend and my house toilet is the squatting kind.... ahhhh!!!!!!!!

physically and mentally tired... but i just can't get to sleep when i slept only around 3 hrs yesterday... nearly got myself killed twice last night... guess i wasn't concentrating on the first one... it was red light but i thought i saw green... so i turn... another one was my fault... was smsing away... nearly crashed into the wall in the tunnel but luckily managed to turn back in time... actually swerved from the centre to the side lane.... hai.. thank god i'm still in 1 piece...
couldn't concentrate at work today... woke up late for my appointment.. left office early too.. the client i met today was... erm... cute... head down town to meet cynthia for dinner... been 3 years since i saw her.. glad to finally have catch up after postponing so many times for the past weeks... chris called and she joined us... cynthia left after dinner... me and chris head down to Cine to catch "Stay Alive"... lotsa thrills in the show though the plot was dumb.. some scenes are funny... the girls behind keep screaming... lol... head down to Mr Bean for coffee after that... had a good chat... guess we share the views on most matters... send her home after that.......

s.h.e-我们怎么了

落泪以前再看一眼
你模糊侧脸
这会不会是最后纪念
我凝视你而你凝视
窗外的阴天
一句抱歉都僵在嘴边
我搞不懂
我们到底怎么了
诚实的背后
是否住着伤口
我想不透
我们的爱怎么了
雨下过以后
是否
能让什么
复活
你的笑脸还在胸前
晃动着昨天
为何回忆会让人晕血
如果我们继续向前走进雨里面
会不会有溶解的危险
我搞不懂
我们到底怎么了
诚实的背后
是否住着伤口
我想不透
我们的爱怎么了
雨下过以后
是否
能让什么复活
明明从前
连真挚都很甜美
现在怎会
说句话就能肿一边
我搞不懂
我们到底怎么了
诚实的背后
是否住着伤口
我想不透
我们的爱怎么了
雨下过以后
是否
能让什么
复活

best day of my life...

fuck up... now my dad tells me he never says that he will pay for the bike instalment... he says he will only help if i can't pay.... scold me for going out all the time... saying i should be able to pay with my current pay... i'm earning 2000++ not 20000++!!!!! even if i wanna sell the bike off now... i can't... i got to top up another 1000 bucks to sell it off!!! fucker.... u are in debts so am i.... u get ur money from loansharks... i get my money from betting... we are equal... dun scold me when u are no better... stop all ur visits to your nightclubs man.... i apply a credit card for u not to visit prostitutes... and stop spending on ur damn mistress... fucking bitch... and i have to cover up for u when mum sees the damn bill!! u think she's stupid??? u say that u wish u had money so that mum can go for operation on her leg.. then stop visiting all the nightclubs!!! save that few hundred dollars per month!!! i wish i could have the money to pay for the operation... it hurts me seeing her limping around the house... but i dun have any spare money at all!! u have!!! since when u see that i buy things for myself anymore?? i dun even have the money to repair my broken glasses... she shows me tons of things that she dig from ur damn cupboard... and i have to pretend i dunno what it is.... i dun wanna lie!!!!!!! and i dun wanna cover ur fucking lies!!! what do u want me to say when she shows me pictures of woman taken with u?? how do u want me to react when i see photos of naked woman in ur handphone??? what am i suppose to say when mum cries in front of me?? u complained that i'm never home... what abt u?? when have u ever been home?? there's nothing in the house.... stay at home for what fuck sake?? i stay at home.. mum scream at me when that little rascal misbehaves... i'm going crazy!!! i feel like dying.... i dun like to be in the middle.... u say u will run away if ur debts get heavier... y dun u just go?? no one needs u at home... i treat this place as a hotel just like u do... i throw my tantrums when i dun get what i want... i learn all these from u... so dun come scolding me... u make me what i am today... from ur genes... luckily i'm gay... if not there will be another fucker in this world... i hate u... mum.. i'm sorry...

Home... went dinner with Xiu and Cookie at ABC market... head town for pool after that.. won a can of coke from Cookie.. hahaha... xie xie!! got a shock when i went to collect my car... big pools of bird shit all over my poor Marchie!!! wet, fresh ones over 10 pools!!! aahhh!! the sight drove me nuts... i just fucking wash my car yesterday!! and its littered with poo in less than a day time... was practically cursing in my car throughout the ride to find a car wash station... the sight of that shit on my front mirror makes me wanna puke so much while driving... Gross!!! poor guy who wash the car... guess he dunno whether to laugh anot... sigh... glad she's clean now... but the shitty image is stuck in my head... yuck!!!

25th Sep
last year
plaza sing
movie
camera
sentosa
this year
plaza sing
movie
but u are nowhere near

lunch with jolyn and mum at yishun
head down to kim seng to bowl
won a jug of beer and 2 ice cream
went town to meet emily, steph, leo and jac
played pool
lost my jug of beer but won another ice cream
head down chinatown to eat porridge
down to alternative but its not open
went CnC instead
drank till everyone was high
pooled there again
went to Mr bean for drink and pizza
dropped everyone at Far East
Home Sweet Home

Cheryl, Happy 21st Birthday..

had dinner with the gang last night.. headed to C.A.N cafe after which for a chat... had a really great time laughing till my stomach hurts... went down to Club 95 with mate, ah boy and steph for supper and drinks before i head home first..
rot at home today.. Jolyn came over in the afternoon... went for dinner at ABC market (lotsa nice food there... gonna go there again soon) before sending her off to work... went to Jing-er's place for apple crumble, sprite and soccer... leo and pf came too... sorry bud... broke my promise... but i really need to recoup my losses to pay my debts... could have have win more if not for stupid man u drawing their game!! winnings drop from 260 to 160.. sigh... went down cine to collect my supper from Jolyn before heading home... thx ger!! its too much food.. i can't finish it....
some thoughts in me... y must ppl be so hostile sometimes when all u did was just send a greeting?? when u did nothing to offend them?? either way whether u tell them face to face, over the phone or an email.. the reception u get is just crap.. wat did u do to deserve all thesE?? maybe both belong to different classes/status... is it that the best way is just to keep away forever?? i truly believe so now... advises should be heed... outsiders see things best...
tears shouldn't continue flowing every night before bedtime...

我要快乐

又被爱伤了一遍
无所谓当作成长
刚刚走开的人
烟还点着味道却淡了
我并不是天生爱寂寞
却比任何人都多
就算把世界给我
我还是一无所有
我要快乐我要能睡的安稳
有些人不抱了才温暖
离开了才不恨我早应该割舍
我要快乐哪怕笑的再大声
心不是热的全都是假的
只有眼泪是真的
把从前想了一遍
谢谢了伤我的人
想做乐观的人
每种雨声听了都不冷
我并不是天生爱寂寞
却比任何人都多
就算把世界给我
我还是一无所有
我要快乐我要能睡的安稳
有些人不抱了才温暖
离开了才不恨我早应该割舍
我要快乐哪怕笑的再大声
心不是热的全都是假的
我的决定是对的

went to visit a customer place today... like those typical Japanese company... got to change into their indoor shoes before stepping into their premises... but their shoes are different from the other Japanese companies.. they had ladies and man shoes... i stood there pondering which one i should wear... hahaha... the men's ones are slip ons.. the ladies are slippers... i took the ladies one first then put it back.. take the mens one.. take a look and put it back again.. then finally.. decided i should just wear the ladies one.... haha... after putting it on.. i was like trying not to laugh at myself... gosh!! imagine pink slippers with socks!!! faints..... hahaha... should have taken a picture of it... keke...
headed to wala wala for dinner with my colleagues after work (Hui Xian, Jasper & Vivian).. ordered pizza and chicken wings.... each of us had a beer each... its 1 for 1... me & Jasper had Kwek.. Hui Xian and Vivian had Moosehead... Kwek was nice but kinda strong... by the time i finish the bottle.. my whole face was already red and feeling high... couldn't finish our pizza.. so we played 5-10 to clear it.. guess Jasper had the most... Hui Xian ordered another bottle of Asahi.. and we continued playing... by the time.. we finished.. we are all high and stoned... headed home on separate ways... got home around 9 plus... knocked out.. just got up and here i am... my head is still spinning.. my nose is blocked! out to meet chris and serene now... ciao!

day off today... headed to the zoo with Jolyn... had a great time there watching animal shows, feeding the baboos, kangeroos, donkeys.. the zoo changed quite alot in the layout since 1 year back that i went.. the animals are also smaller in groups... jolyn got a shock when she was looking at this animal when a kid came from behind and started talking.. she jumped up thinking it was some animal behind her... Lolx!! the expression is so funny!! walked from 10.30am to 4.30pm.. bumped into Kartini on the way out of the zoo at cheers... what a surprise to see her there of all places!! Kat.. meet up soon ok?? headed for dinner at Woodlands with her mum before the both of us went to catch a movie, Gigolas Wannabe... quite a lame show.. not worth catching.. bumped into her frens there... went for a spin to the jetty opposite Johor... sent her frens off then we head for supper at Chong Pang Nasi Lemak after which went to Orchid Country Club for supper and finally... home sweet home... dead beat now but everything was worthwhile! early day tmr.. my bed is calling me....

I just love this song so much...

Christian Bautista - The Way You Look At Me

No one ever saw me like you do
All the things that I could add up too
I never knew just what a smile was worth
But your eyes see everything
Without a single word

[Chorus]
Cause there's something in the way you look at me
It's as if my heart knows
You're the missing piece
You make me believe that there's nothin'in this world I can't be
I never know what you see but
there's somethin' in the way you look at me

I could freeze a moment in my mind
It'll be the second that you
Touch your lips to mine
I'd like to stop the clock
Make time stands still
Cause baby this is just the way
I always wanna feel

[Chorus]
I don't know who you are
I feel different in your eyes
All I know is it happens every time

[Chorus]
The way you look at me

went to liquid kitchen to drink with Hui Xian last night... the drinks there kinda sucks... bleah... though its cheaper... headed to woodlands to look for Jolyn for pool after that... on the way there.. saw another accident... a minor one i guess.. the motorist was lying on the floor... played pool for awhile then headed to Seletar Reservoir as i think both of us are not in a good mood... bumped into Emily there... and 3 of us headed to Jalan Kayu for supper... been a long time i passed by that stretch of road... sent both of them home after that.... been feeling tired easily recently... where did all my energy go to??? on leave tmr... shall have a good time.......

还是会想他

在夜里失眠
在白天沉睡
摆脱回忆跟随
你给我安慰
为我擦干眼泪
不问为何伤悲
哦我问我自己
心中还藏着谁
你越温柔我就越后悔
我还是会想他
想听他笑我傻
虽然此刻心里充满挣扎
还会心乱如麻
我承认我还没忘了他
我问我自己
你有他的单纯
也有他的复杂
你的一切让我觉得像他
而我只能装傻
至少你的拥抱很像他
还会想他他笑我傻
充满挣扎
心乱如麻

went zouk on thursday with steph, jolynn, leo and pf... din really enjoyed myself... lousy music and crowd though the band was good.. left for supper at chinatown with steph and jolynn at 1am... on the way there... saw an accident.. an old man was lying in the middle of the road... gives me the shivers when i saw it... hope he's fine... i was so tired that i got no energy to eat.. luckily its just porridge.. no need to bite... hahah...
friday... meet ting, ah boy, steph, leo and pf for dinner... ate at the turkish restaurant at far east... food was all right just that maybe its not value for money?? hahaha... fried egg cost $2.50.. mate next time i fry for u k... hahaha... went to catch a midnight movie , Imagine me and you... Jolyn came along... nice show... simple but beautiful story...
saturday... Ai suddenly msg to ask to go suntan at Sentosa... but apparently, the sun went down by the time we reach there.. hahaha... feels kinda weird tanning with her since this is the 1st time we go out alone... and we only talk 2, 3 times before... she got me a cheeseburger but i forgot abt it.. and it got squashed in my bag... hahaha.. but still i ate it though.. she companied me down to padang to catch the hockey match.. well.. we lost 2-1... lousy goals... stupid umpiring... head down town to meet Jolyn.. shop abit... had dinner... watched soccer... lost money again..Everton draw... i need to survive!! send her home... knocked out when i got back...
dreamt of her.... woke me up from my sleep... ruined my day... sigh...

Just got home... tired.. having gastric... back to drinking and smoking again after stopping for a week plus... sigh.... added another chipmunk to my collection... but the first one still looks better... my dad added some displays in my car... sucks.. shall replace them soon... no mood to blog.. thats all for today.. night..

不作你的朋友 - S.H.E

慢慢失忆
所有和你的事情必须忘记
爱的盆地
深怕在一滴眼泪就会决堤
我也不想被你肯定
在这个时候说我
让你感动过别
握住我的手
说我一定会懂
作不成的爱人
变成最好朋友
别牵著我的手
想著别人脸孔
换个方式牵手
并不会更好过
可不可以不作你的朋友
慢慢心痛
没有人发现我和从前不同
你的眼中
看得见另一个人给的感动
我也不要你心疼我
在这个时候对我
比从前温柔
应该放晴的天气
还下雨别这样下去
我难过但是说不出口
一直逃避我以为闭上眼睛就能忘记
我的记忆开始在雨天的七月二十三
慢慢经过我们一起绕过的十字街头
怎么走都走不到尽头
可不可以别回头
可不可以就放手
可不可以不作你的朋友

took leave on friday... went to sentosa with ting and steph for a sun tanning session... leo was supposed to come along but back out at the last min due to tummy problem.. was great to have a short time off like once awhile.. kinda relaxing... though i din get really tanned... started raining half way through and i fell asleep for one and a half hours... guess i was really too tired but i can't remember what i did on thurs... i din even know when the rain stopped... hahaha... head home after that before meeting Jolyn and Steph and her frens to Double O... bumped into Shander there and instead of hanging out with Steph, we joined her and her fren instead... hopped between Double O and O bar... hoping to get better music.. but O bar was unbearable.. the aircon broke down...

Saturday... wake up and drive my brother out to catch Monster House... had popcorn for lunch.. then drove him home before heading down town to meet cookie and nurdee... was supposed to meet Tian Yi but he is at a chalet and can only meet me at 11pm... still say wanna bring me go eat dim sum... #$%^!! took some funny pics and i can't believe that i actually put on that obiang wig... i swear i wouldn't have done it in the past... hahahaah...

went to pick Farah up and headed to Spize for dinner.. Khari came shortly... after that they head to my house... was suppose to watch soccer but all ended in my room watching youtube... they left around 12.15am... decided the night is still young... so head out again to meet Jolyn for bowling... din had a good session... only manage to score only 100 once...

Slept till 2 plus today... had lunch and went back to sleep... woke up at 6 and drove my dad out for a spin before going to meet Leo, Steph and Peifen... my menses is killing me... damn heavy flow!!! should go sleep now... ZZZ....

3 days old.. and my little march got scratched.. a fucking bad scratch that even a blind man can see from far ... sigh.. just sucks thoroughly... maybe its just me... everything is not going my way... all this burden is killing me... after getting the car.. now my dad told me i got to carry on paying for the bike... where the hell am i going to find the money to pay for it?? i still need to save for my road tax and insurance for the car for goodness sake... thanks alot man... stop nagging me to save... i would if i am able to... i wouldn't have gotten the car if u told me i got to carry on the bike instalment... i wouldn't even have take up driving lessons if not for certain reason... i have never enjoyed driving... i think i would die faster driving a car than riding a bike... i rather fly in the air rather than get trapped in metal before i die...

1 more month to go before i finish the instalment for the camera... never gonna do this again... never...14 more months before the contract for the phone line ends... 21 more months for the bike... 10 years for the car... others enjoyed at the expense of my misery!! its all money... can one not survive without money?? maybe its true... being poor is pathetic... but what can i do abt it? its my life... just suffer in silence....

我可以忍受- 徐婕儿

我可以忍受你不够爱我
我可以忍受你遥远的梦
就算是变化挖空我
至少你还在乎我的感受
我可以忍受眼神的空洞
我可以忍受你时间不够用
却不能忍受做了那么多
使她拥有我该得到的温柔
(使她拥有我没看过的笑容)
爱着你
是我改不了也不愿改的习惯
要放开哪有那么简单
了解你
是我说不出也不承认的悲哀
包容你
是我体谅的爱也当作应该
不要说对不起
原来你要的不是我
不要说谢谢你
什么你永远在我心中
can u tell me why
这样的我-你也曾爱过
不是么……

i just collected my car!! my Marchie!! long awaited baby... Hui Xian companied me to collect it cos i'm too scare to drive it home alone... Gave her a small treat at Tiong Bahru after that... She can sense that I'm not too confident driving it... Haha... so dun ask me for a ride for the time being... i CMI!!!

Oct trip to Germany is confirmed... applied for leave too on the 22nd so its a long weekend... planning to go visit Venice and London after the training ends in Germany... already check out the plane tickets to the 2 locations from Germany.. air fare is around $300... got to check out the hotels... guess i need around 1K to fulfill the trip... too short a period to save up this amount with debts mounting sky high for my car downpayment, soccer debts, phone bills... gosh! and Hui Xian says she will lend me the money for the trip first... sigh... when will i ever be able to clear all man? amount is around 5K in total... but what the heck i can't be bothered.. i really need a holiday... this place is irking me out... especially the ppl around... so hypocritical saying 1 thing to somebody and another to someone else (how dumb when everybody knows each other??)... pathetic always trying to gain sympathy and also pretending that its everyone else fault but theirs... imaginative when things around dun even exist (a pity to not be a movie director.. a waste of talent)... and lastly a big big liar (well.. i guess they got to cover their own ass.. can't blame them i suppose)... guess i'm in a bitchy mood tonight but i'm not alone sharing the thoughts.. others feel the same way... this shows i'm not the one with the problem... so fuck it if they happen to read it... i dun give a shit... it doesn't pay to be kind anyway... its a survival world out here... to hell with others... Fuck off!!