i guess the end is near... i can feel it... passionless... emotionless... lack of concern... speechless... cold... how will i react to the verdict when its announced? i dunno... i'm preparing for it... i hope i will be ready...

its been too dramatic for the past couple of days... its draining me... i feel like a zombie... numb... blank... empty... directionless... my world seems to have collapsed.... it seems like i dun even know who i am anymore.... i'm living another person's life which i dunno what i am suppose to do... its just like i woke up from a coma... i dun seem to have a clue about everything and everyone around me... i'm lost....

i'm fighting a losing battle... i'm bleeding without a wound on me standing in the battlefield... AHHHHH!!!! everything i do seems to be wrong... when i should fire, i duck... when i should charge, i hold back... nothing is appreciated... whats in it for me to fight harder?

how i wish my trip to melbourne is longer right now? I dun wanna come back here... I dun wanna face whatever is looming ahead.... i wanna be all alone in a world where nobody knows who i am... just by myself....

did i make a wrong step into getting into this kind of r/s right from the start? did i bring this upon myself telling lies to cover up my ass... breaking my mum's heart...she telling herself that her daughter isn't what she is refusing to believe? i haven't got an answer... i hope the answer is no... this is a risk where there is no turning back...

i'm lost.... so so lost.....