67 hours - 4 hrs of sleep, a can of green tea, 2 cups of milo, a chawamushi and half a plate of edamami, liquor, 2 packs of cigs. Y do i still not get the numb feeling like before? what more must i do before i get reach that stage of numbness where i can just not have anything flooding my head? Every single second i am suffocating, i find it hard to breath. Even more so when i'm alone. Knowing i'm going to get my car alone sets my panic buttons on alert mode even before i'm near. All of these which I have not experience before.. I do not know how to deal with them.

i feel like coming out to my mum. at least i can just coop myself at home and cry my hearts out. but i do not have the energy or mental strength to handle another episode of emotional traumas.

where has my motivation, the hands that fill the gaps of my fingers gone to? i miss her. i'm lost.


周杰伦-说了再见

天亮了雨下了你走了
清楚了我爱的遗失了
落叶飘在湖面上睡着了
想要放放不掉泪在飘
你看看你看看不到
我假装过去不重要却发现自己办不到

说了再见才发现再也见不到
我不能就这样失去你的微笑
口红待在桌脚而你我找不到
若角色对调你说好不好

说了再见才发现再也见不到
能不能就这样忍着痛泪不掉
说好陪我到老永恒往哪里找
再次拥抱一分一秒都好

天亮了雨下了你走了
清楚了我爱的遗失了
落叶飘在湖面上睡着了
想要放放不掉泪在飘
你看看你看看不到
我假装过去不重要却发现自己办不到

说了再见才发现再也见不到
我不能就这样失去你的微笑
口红待在桌脚而你我找不到
若角色对调你说好不好

你的笑你的好脑海里一直在绕
我的手忘不了你手的温度
心碎了一地捡不回从前的心跳
伤心过去我无力逃跑

说再见才发现再也见不到
能不能就这样忍着痛泪不掉
说好陪我到老永恒往哪里找
再次拥抱一分一秒都好